Since I've reviewed a few sets of other people's lyrics, I thought it only fair to post something of my own for scrutiny.  I wrote this song a couple years ago and have music for it.  This song will be on an EP I'm working on with one of my current projects.

Times of Right
Copyright 2005 Jason Carey

Verse:
In fight or flight,
Stay and fight,
In dark or light,
Stay in light,
In times of black,
and times of white,
Rip me apart,
and build me up right,

Chorus:
In times of falling down,
we'll understand the doubt,
in times of running around,
we'll be the ones looking down,

Verse:
I am in,
A place of sin,
The sin of sin,
Is where we begin,
the place we die,
will not be right,
the place we start,
will always be right,

Chorus

Verse:
The place of fire,
is in our hearts,
the place of earth,
is in our hearts,
after hate,
begin to despise,
after love,
become unwise

Chorus

As always, the big issue I find with reviewing lyrics is that I don't have a melody to work from, so it's all judged purely from words, and a great song needn't have the most poetic lyrics.
Ok, I think this is really cool, it is quite poetic. The short phrasing will probably work well in song, however, I don't really like using short phrases because it sounds kind of static, the chain of thoughts is less fluid when you use short phrases as there's a greater importance on rhyme. Also, there were quite a few words that were repeated, sin, light. Now that may work in advantage of the music, but lyrically speaking, if you can substitute the words it sounds more elaborate and thought provoking. The first and second verse, rhyming words: flight, fight light, light and in, sin, sin, begin. I think that it sounds awkward having the short phrases and the constant need to rhyme, I'm getting the feeling that it's holding you back from developing the lyric to it's fullest potential.

I think you have a decent writing style, the chorus is great, and it may sound really great in song, but I think that the short phrasing and rhymes (I'd suggest every 2nd line) are just holding you back from coming up with something brilliant.

Thank you for the input.  The short phrasing seems akward on paper, but like you said, without the melody they don't make total sense in structure.  I hope to load up the finished version when finished, thank you again!

Good review WB, I personally can like short snappy cocky lyrics, if they are done well.
This is good but the repeating of the slightly simple rhyme keeps it 'slightly simple' where as a tighter rhyme would seal it.
You're content doesn't 'take me' either :

in times of running around,
we'll be the ones looking down,
or
after love,
become unwise

The imagery is a bit blur.
But I know how a lyric can change completely when heard in the right context , in a song, so yes I also want to hear the finished version.

Thank you for the feedback, Kings.  I'll be sure to upload the song when it's ready!

I find it easier to create music to this layout.

I'm no expert either.

Cheers

denis

Yep, that's pretty much what I would have said. I'm sure it fits well to the music.

SS (#1, hahaha) It makes me happy that you're going to upload this after working on it... See, many people just use this forum for posting songs that will never be recorded because they don't do that sort of thing-- lots of people just write and write and write and that's where it ends.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you

Thank you guys for your input, I really do appreciate it.