#1May 17th, 2009 · 03:05 AM
46 threads / 33 songs
179 posts
United States of America
The Electric Bard
Inspired by Bob Dylan's electric guitar and the movie I am not here

Shape shifting through clockworks,
Philosophizing disgrace
Somebody's deluded god,
roams without a face
Don't surround with your sound
Let me groove on my own
I love you jude, I love you so,
Just come on home

I am chained by the promises
Of freedom's you would not give
Haunted by the meanings
of the lives I have lived
Don't surround with your sound
Let me groove on my own
I love you jude, I love you so,
Just come on home
#2May 24th, 2009 · 08:36 AM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
I like this a lot.....not necessarily in the structure it is now in...but I like the 'song' that it could lead too.
The first two lines are too complicated and too strong imo 'Shape shifting through time' sounds corny but fits a little better, I dont understand 'Philosophizing disgrace' , because if it's about 'Jude' I dont think Jude would philosophize about disgrace. (Shame is a pitiful human emotion forced upon you by another human!) 

The rest of it I really like , you use simpler, more common words, structured normally and all of a sudden the meaning within them becomes very deep. 

If I were writing this I'd probably go off on one with the chorus, like 'Don't surround with your sound...' , then the next chorus change it to 'Don't bind me with you're rhymes....' or 'Don't try to waste me with your words...'.

Really love the idea "Dont be stupid...I love you"  
#3May 24th, 2009 · 04:29 PM
46 threads / 33 songs
179 posts
United States of America
kings wrote…
I like this a lot.....not necessarily in the structure it is now in...but I like the 'song' that it could lead too.
The first two lines are too complicated and too strong imo 'Shape shifting through time' sounds corny but fits a little better, I dont understand 'Philosophizing disgrace' , because if it's about 'Jude' I dont think Jude would philosophize about disgrace. (Shame is a pitiful human emotion forced upon you by another human!) 

The rest of it I really like , you use simpler, more common words, structured normally and all of a sudden the meaning within them becomes very deep. 

If I were writing this I'd probably go off on one with the chorus, like 'Don't surround with your sound...' , then the next chorus change it to 'Don't bind me with you're rhymes....' or 'Don't try to waste me with your words...'.

Really love the idea "Dont be stupid...I love you"   :razz:

thnks for reading. I will work on it and post another version.
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