#1March 15th, 2009 · 10:39 PM
24 threads
166 posts
United States of America
and she cries v.1 (now completed)
(oh the second version is down the page) 8 )

not out of sight, or out of mind
but somewhere far behind
she's crying ('dis line is kinda in the background/back up singer area)

the tears begin to fall
but she has it all
she's crying

when the gift of life is taken
its a tragedy

and now we finally realize
we finally see
what we've done

and she... cries
to the night alone she
cries
never going home she
cries
like a priest without soul
like a dog without a bone
she cries

she has no war to fear
and no mother near
shes crying

=======================================================

ok... i know this seems a bit random

but or not well written

in fact im not finished,,,

i was just cruising the web and this hit me...

so i had to put it somewhere

but its a nice beat and i got a riff or two

to use with it....

so comments?
#2March 16th, 2009 · 05:41 AM
42 posts
United States of America
its really good for just a song that just hit you.i would like to see this one finished.
#3March 16th, 2009 · 11:56 AM
24 threads
166 posts
United States of America
HELP!
the lines

           "like a priest without soul
               like a dog without a bone"

seem stupid to me....

i mean i can see why a priest without a soul would cry

and a dog without a bone...

      but idk any other suggestions?

please!!!!!!
#4March 16th, 2009 · 04:16 PM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
Hmmm!
they dont go with it. you are quite right.

hmmm....loading.......processing...........

maybe a priest without faith
a dog without a home.???

They just dont fit. its almost like 2 different subject matters.

maybe this...
and she... cries
to the night alone she
cries
never going home she
cries
she knows its too late
she looks at her fate
she cries

you like? just a thought.......random synapse in my brain...

i like this though, it has potential

as always
Miss White
#5March 16th, 2009 · 09:33 PM
24 threads
166 posts
United States of America
what about

        "and she... cries
          to the night alone she
         cries
         never going home she
         cries
         she knows its just too late
         to try and change her fate
          she  cries"

and then my ADD mind goes to some RHCP influenced rap...

 but i refuse to write that way..

the only way you can hear that is if you catch me at a party

with a guitar...

and a girl i REALY want to impress!! lol

CHEERS,

SASQUATCH
#6March 17th, 2009 · 10:28 AM
24 threads
166 posts
United States of America
ok, so lately

I've been heavily influenced

by some strong musical figures...

Iron and Wine

being one of the main ones...

so this kinda turns out to be a

"upwards over the mountain"-esq

sound... it starts with a nice sweet riffage

and then chords..

nothing hardcore just acoustic

this is ruogh draft v.2

uhm.... probably

gonna write the music tonight...

nd record ASAP
===================================================================

not out of sight, or out of mind
but somewhere far behind
she's crying ('dis line is kinda in the background/back up singer area)

the tears begin to fall
but she has it all
she's crying

when the gift of life is taken
its a tragedy

and now we finally realize
we finally see
what we've done

and she... cries
to the night alone she
cries
never going home she
cries
she knows its to late
to escape the fate
she cries

save her soul
and let her know
it'll be okay

dry her tears
console her fears
it'll be okay

the sun will rise
a new day dawns
it'l be okay

but still she knows
what she cant change
she cries

and she... cries
to the night alone she
cries
never going home she
cries
she knows its to late
to escape the fate
she cries

and she cries....

and she cries...

oh and she cries...

she cries...
#7March 17th, 2009 · 03:43 PM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
yo
Okay Iron and Wine are totally kick azz! lol


and she... cries
to the night alone she
cries
never going home she
cries
she knows its to late
to escape the fate
she cries

 

I like the way you worded that better...it flows better. Very nice very nice! lol
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