#1March 4th, 2009 · 03:06 PM
31 threads / 20 songs
94 posts
Canada
Rhyme me.
Another one from Blackberry, inspired by Rainer Maria.


I am a rhyme that needs a friend.
A broken sentence trying to complete.
Soliloquy heard in the faint of night.
A solemn narrative that can not speak.

Chorus
I wanted to be lost,
So that you'd feel found.
I want to be the thing that you hate most,
That high pitched screeching sound.

I am a word that is not said.
A spelling error hiding in the text.
A hint foreshadowing demise.
A parasite that's adding to this mess.

Chorus
I wanted to be lost,
So that you'd feel found.
I want to be the thing that you hate most,
That high pitched screeching sound.

I am a consonant in bowl of o's.
A short story overcompensating.
Protagonist in just for contrast.
A text on pages slowly fading.

Chorus
I wanted to be lost,
So that you'd feel found.
I want to be the thing that you hate most,
That high pitched screeching sound.
#2March 4th, 2009 · 09:08 PM
24 threads
166 posts
United States of America
i like the way you word some of the stuff....

      "I wanted to be lost,
          So that you'd feel found."

I relate heavily man!!

but bro... i just can't seem to find a rythm

to put these words to....

the meter i keep trying to go with

just dosnt ryhme and fall into place..

but like i said i love the way

you word stuff...
#3March 6th, 2009 · 10:50 AM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
I also think this is really good.
With enough 'space' in the music it is possible to just sing it to it's own rhythm.
I see it's called Rhyme me and yet there isn't one rhyme, so it's meant to be that way.....what I do feel though is that if you could rewrite this keeping the excellent lines the imagery and the story but with one or two rhymes it would 'seal' it and make it flow that little bit more.

I dont know what you have in mind but I hear a 'different' music to the chorus, it having been written differently from the verse, is it a type of song to have a long 'scream' after the chorus?
#4March 6th, 2009 · 01:22 PM
31 threads / 20 songs
94 posts
Canada
Thanks guys, I will probably rewrite with a bit more flow.
This is more in freeflow style of the band Rainer Maria, so the meter is a bit unique so to say. I'll record soon.

I will rework it as this is a part of a little competition I am doing with myself.
I basically write minimum one song per day until I face my next writer's block. So far it's been two songs a day.

Thanks for all the comments!
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