just an old song i wrote when i was 16 and torn by a girl )

Won't be sleeping tonight
its not that i refuse
its just that i cant
cause ive got nothing to lose
and im drowning in my pillow
and my eyes as red as blood
and i just cant help stop crying
as i am beat up by my love

your pictures rush in
pictures of you screaming
wish i could escape the world
where it hurts when you're dreaming
and i wish i had control
of what lies ahead
and i'd surely be gone
long before we met

cause its never your fault
and im never enough
and your words fill my head
with every ****ing puff
you're the reason i smoke
you're the reason i cry
you're the reason i wake up
regretting im alive
and no there's no hope
if there was, i would have taken it
but as my memory slowly slips away
im just sorry i was so imperfect

i feel like exploding
from all this confusion
so tired of your sweet kisses
that turn out as illusions
i feel my heart slipping away
from everything else
for torn are my dreams
of those hollow church bells

I dont want to ruin this moment
of perfect domininon
ive lost all of my sense
and my intuition
i've forgot how to feel
just to block all the pain
i just want you to be happy
as you bring me down again

cause its never your fault
and im never enough
and your words fill my head
with every ****ing puff
you're the reason i smoke
you're the reason i cry
you're the reason i wake up
regretting im alive
and no there's no hope
if there was, i would have taken it
but as my memory slowly slips away
im just sorry i was so imperfect

Oh all i ever wanted was to make you smile
Oh all i ever wanted was to make you happy
Oh all i ever wanted was some peace of mind
Oh all i ever wanted was you to love me
Oh but i didnt get that did I
Oh or do just have a funny way of showing it
Oh cause no matter what i do you're never satisfied
Oh im just sorry im so imperfect

cause its never your fault
and im never enough
and your words fill my head
with every ****ing puff
you're the reason i smoke
you're the reason i cry
you're the reason i wake up
regretting im alive
and no there's no hope
if there was, i would have taken it
but as my memory slowly slips away
im just sorry i was so imperfect

Do you have any music to go with it? It's a bit long for a song, but you could always edit it or make it an EPIC

Welcome to bandAMP


Denis

Thanks for the welcome!

i havent really thought of music yet ) im not really a musician ) just kinda write lyrics but a tune but no instruments ) i just sing but i dont know how to play any instrument

I like bits of this....and theres some bits I dont like so much.
I can appreciate the fact that it's your work and it's how you feel and interpret your life.
This is a good piece to show that you can write. Yes you were 16!

I personally think that 'a good lyric' is balanced, I think there's too much self pity going on in this to make it an 'entertaining' song, even Bob Marley brought up in a ghetto still sung songs of hope

So how old are you now? And how's your written word these days?

I've worked with lyricists or indeed vocalists that have given me their idea of how the lead vocal should sound, then in turn wrote the music. Do you know any musicians/friends that could help you make a song? Or perhaps, with your consent a member of bandAMP could write the music. You would obviously need some recording equipment to record your vocals.

Kings who has commented above is superb with lyrics, his comments on the lyrics I agree with, what do you think?

Cheers

Denis

Hey welcome!


Just a crazy thought...and I hate doing this myself, but since you were obviously distraught when you wrote the song, can you consider rewriting the song now?  The outcome may be less "self-pitying" and have a more well rounded perspective.  I also think that there should be a forum link on bandamp for vocal trials of lyrics that have yet to include instrumentation.

Wow people here are really friendly and helpful :O My bad i was 15 then XD im 17 now :P Im not sure if i want to develop this song more because.. the girl that inspired this song actually became my girlfriend 6 months after i wrote it ) and we're going to be celebrating our second anniversary this may 31 XD haha just some sharing bout my life :P