#1December 31st, 2008 · 02:02 AM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
If Only You Knew
all the things you did and said
the images flowing through my head
if only you knew.

all the pain inside
has been brought back to life
if only you knew.

Ive tried to forget
and I've tried to forgive
you make it harder everyday
if only you knew.

You think everything is fine
you have no clue of whats
going on inside
how hard it is to pretend
that i don't feel this pain,
if only you knew.


it hurts the worst from the
ones that you love
sometimes i just want to give up
if only you knew.

when your world is falling
its all in my hands
its a weight that i cant hold
if only you knew

I've tried to make my actions
speak louder than my words
every time it gets twisted and turned
if only you knew.

chorus

.....**MuSiCal IntErLude**....

I've tried to come out on top
every time i do you just push me off
i cant seem to get back up
i cant take this anymore
if only you knew.

chorus

if only you knew, if only you knew, if only you knew----- how much i love you


  • well i just wrote this up in under 5 minutes, it been a rough day. lol just hit me up lemme know what you think!!
~Sarah White
#2December 31st, 2008 · 02:14 AM
91 threads
73 posts
United States of America
i think its good!
its a bit long, but i'm sure it sounds amazing put to music!

one thing i would personally change, is maybe dont repeat 'if only you knew' at the end of each verse. Throw it in here and there, but i find that if that happens to much through out the song its sometimes a bit to repetitive.
But, hey, thats just me!

love it anyways  
#3December 31st, 2008 · 01:28 PM
24 threads
166 posts
United States of America
yea i agree thats ts a bit long AND maybe you repeat if you only knew a bit much....

        other than that its increadibly real.....
i cant wait to hear the music you put to it!!
#4January 2nd, 2009 · 07:09 PM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
Bee, and Mr. Sasquatch Sir...
lol i love your URL. anyway....

i have seen alot of songs that are longer, this one in particular has a very pumped beat so the lyrics go pretty fast...my first draft was shorter so i had to add in more lyrics to go with the music.

the repeating if only you knew is really suposed to be in the background, i for got to put that in little  () things. muh bad.

but anyway this song in all honesty didnt (yet) turn out the way i really want it to but i went ahead and put it up to get somefeed back because i hit a dip in the road with it. so thanks!

-Sarah White
#5January 5th, 2009 · 09:41 AM
24 threads
166 posts
United States of America
Ms. White!
why 'ello!
   I'm not sure why but i just recently went skiing. and while on the slopes
              i started thinking of this song, yourself, and some stuff you have said!
 I came back and looked at this song just because it got stuck in my noggin
        and i couldnt for the life of me get it out!
 (not that im complaining)
                               anyway now i see it differently
          for some strange reason
                     i could see it pretty intense song
   w/ Pink Floyd like Vocals    sortof like the vocals from "great gig in the sky"
                and w/ some soft inocent voice whispering if you only knew a few times in the background
 that would just blow my mind man!!!
            there are only minor things i would change
just like taking a word so that it flows better like in the lines

"I've tried to make my actions
speak louder than my words
every time it gets twisted and turned
if only you knew."

i would do these like this

" I've tried to make my actions
speak louder than words
every time i do
it gets twisted and turned
if you only knew"


thats really the only thing but that could be just because i probably have a different melody for it in mind.
               but yes I LOVE IT
#6January 5th, 2009 · 11:15 AM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
skiing aye?
well thank you so much for getting my song stuck in your head . i love to hear that kind of thing, it makes me feel like what i am writing is worth while. I see what your saying about the pink floyd thing, that could really rock lol, i can hear it that way aswell. the lyrics could work either way, i think... beauty of what i write is that its flexible

If I may ask where did you aquire your screen name? thin air? lol
#7January 5th, 2009 · 02:24 PM
24 threads
166 posts
United States of America
the Legend of the Sas!!
hahaha no ma'am

    I play highschool football and I am a hairy guy haha genetics man!!
 
and at practice we shed our shirts to run and play shirts vs skins

              im not a fat guy in fact i have abs! (which im proud of)
 and i work out ALOT!!!

            hahaha so one day we were playing and they were like DANG MAN
you look like a sasquatch!!! hahah cuz im buff and hairy!!!

                               hahahaha then a couple weeks later we were thinking of band names
and we wanted something psychadelic and funky and i looked to the beatles poster on a right
           and it reminded me of a picture i have in my locker (the one of sasquatch walking in the forest)
 and i imagined sasquatch walking the cross walk at abbey road and it just came to us!!!
                             hahahah concesquently it our album cover too!!
#8January 5th, 2009 · 02:58 PM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
LOL
O my gosh... thats funny! that cracks me up... i think its the most creative name on here lol
#9January 5th, 2009 · 03:01 PM
24 threads
166 posts
United States of America
AWWWW~!!!
AW SHUCkS Ms. White!!!

           gee thanks! 
#10January 5th, 2009 · 03:29 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
Hmm! I think that this has the potential to be an amazing song. It has the right words to the right story, it's meant, and with a little musical craftsmanship it could be incredible, well that's what I hear  ! 
And this:
All statements(choppy)

all the things you did and said
the images flowing through my head
if only you knew.
if only you knew.

all the pain I feel inside
Every time I turned away to cry
if only you knew.
if only you knew.

All those moments in the dark
I held on to your beating hart
if only you knew
if only you knew.

Change (turns into story)

Ive tried to forget and I've tried to forgive
you make it harder everyday just to live
if only you knew.

You think everything is fine
you have no clue of whats going on inside
how hard it is to pretend that i don't feel this pain, (my friend)  - [verses are getting longer]
if only you knew.

it hurts the worst from the ones that you love
sometimes i just want to give it all up
if only you knew.

[the rest becomes so much a cry for help that I cant 'follow it' or I dont want to change it , because it's not really poetic !!]

when your world is falling
its all in my hands
its a weight that i cant hold
if only you knew

I've tried to make my actions
speak louder than my words
every time it gets twisted and turned
if only you knew.

chorus

.....**MuSiCal IntErLude**....

I've tried to come out on top
every time i do you just push me off
i cant seem to get back up
i cant take this anymore
if only you knew.

What happens in the Musical Interlude, can we buy more pop-corn and go to the toilet ?  

@Ninjasasquachdowntowndude : I'd love to see that album cover, sound like a really cool idea.
#11January 5th, 2009 · 03:44 PM
24 threads
166 posts
United States of America
alright man im getting it from my school desktop this week man!! hahaha i will put that up ASAP
#12January 5th, 2009 · 11:44 PM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
UMMM
What do you mean about buying more popcorn and the toilet? its been a long day and im really lost...lol

Jackson, i really want to see the album cover aswell!!! 

-Sarah White
#13January 16th, 2009 · 11:39 AM
2 threads
5 posts
United States of America
i like it but agree it's a little long but i enjoy it!
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