#1January 29th, 2006 · 08:51 AM
37 threads / 25 songs
237 posts
United States of America
God's gift to man
It is written when god created woman
he took part from man, a rib
surely it was the rib that protected man's heart
it seems woman was given power over mans heart
to touch mans heart
to heal mans heart
and to break mans heart

perhaps God knew man would search the world over
search for the woman that possessed what he was missing
search for the one
the one woman who would complete him
thus came woman's first gift to man
purpose

even at the start there was always a woman
giving freely the wonderful gifts she has to offer
this woman we call mother
only the mother could bare the pain
mixed with joy to give perhaps her greatest gift
as woman possessed part of man
in her selflessness she gave a part of herself
a child

perhaps God knew man and woman would require
a union.to become one to share this gift
god knew that vows should be required to share this gift
so, we said for richer or poorer. in sickness and in health
for better or worse. not until death do we part

consider the rose. flower of choice
blood red in color with thorns if disrespected causing pain
yet so beautiful in bloom with a fragrance so sweet
could this be a symbol of the trials and tribulations
the joyous occasions man and woman would share?
when I first heard these vows soulmates pledge
I was just a child , now i'm only a man

well I dont have much money
but I give freely to you my heart, which only you may touch
my one best hope is in the after life we will meet
and you will know me as your husband
so that I may keep you as my wife
for I love you with all my being
with heart and mind united



ps
my wife cried. she loved it as it was all i had to give
pss
does anyone think this could be converted to song ?
thanks in advance
buzz
 
#2February 1st, 2006 · 06:51 AM
118 threads / 55 songs
3,086 posts
Netherlands
it is so sensitive and beautiful, truly amazing.

the view you take on the creation story as a reason for the woman's power over a man's heart is very original, I don't think I ever saw that before.

however I don't see this really as a song, with 6 lengthy verses... more like something you can decoratively put on a living room wall so one can walk up there and think or wonder from time to time...

I'm serious... it's a prayer, it should be treated at such. you should see if you can publish it on more sites; poetry sites, christian sites, etc. I'm sure lots of people will love it, and it's build-up and structure is excellent... for the message and emotional load: none can top it.

it's very strong...... deeply impressing



so, ok, I don't think this should be turned into a song, as standalone it does it's job pretty well - and should be distributed as such! and as such, it contains a few typos I think (woman/women), nothing serious.

I don't know what else to say. I can only hope I will be able to express my love to my soulmate in a similar way one day, but I guess I need to find her first.....
#3February 1st, 2006 · 05:16 PM
54 threads / 29 songs
1,552 posts
United Kingdom
I know what else to say!!!
It's not song lyrics - I think Puppet's quite right.  But I think it would be seriously cool to have this poem spoken over a piece of well constructed backing music!  Does that turn it into a song; I don't know!!!

I must also pick up on the one point of spelling correction (sorry Buzz) - you refer always to "women"; the plural.  This actually spoils it for me - when you really should use "woman" for the references to your wife, and to womankind.

Other than that - very nice, lovely sentiment, and cleverly thought out.
#4February 1st, 2006 · 06:27 PM
37 threads / 25 songs
237 posts
United States of America
thanks guys
#5February 1st, 2006 · 11:41 PM
42 threads / 1 songs
556 posts
United States of America
No. This should not be a song. This should be a poem sung to a piano.
I can hear it now........
This is beautiful, and totally original. I'm totally shivering right now.
#6February 2nd, 2006 · 02:15 AM
14 threads / 12 songs
76 posts
Indonesia
Hey guys...i don't think that i'm agree with all of u...have u heard R Kelly's latest single "In A Closet"? Of course we can make song from any poems...music is universal and i think with this kind of deep lyrics it would make such a great song...very2 meaningful lyrics u got in here...good job! 
#7February 2nd, 2006 · 09:08 AM
37 threads / 25 songs
237 posts
United States of America
mispelling
thanks everybody..fixed women,,,to woman I would have never caught it

px...and jiminuk thanks alot
ps

thank god wife didnt catch it either,I am one half hillbilly if ya didnt know
#8February 4th, 2006 · 12:25 AM
160 threads / 88 songs
1,666 posts
United States of America
WEll, Very good lyrics....   I agree with Puppet and JiminUK, I also must point out one more little spelling error, in the line "only the mother could bare the pain
mixed with joy to give perhaps her greatest gift"
that should read bear not bare, bare is naked, bear is to bear a heavy load...  (sorry mom is Librarian/schoolteacher)
 
   Anyway,  Awesome job...  
                          JimK
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