#1December 20th, 2008 · 08:47 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
She's a rich bitch
She's a rich bitch
Lives in a glitch
Uses her money to put the little man down
Lies to her sons who drive her 4 four wheel drives
Lies to the neighbours who live soap opera lives

She's a rich bitch
Lives in a glitch
Lies to the ones who love her wealth
Then drink to her health as they drive her to the doctor
When she thinks she's someone else

She's a deceiver
Would you believe her?
Things are not as she makes them seam
See for your self, your own dream

Her 2 and two make 22
Catch her out if you try
She cries crocodile eyes
Wraps you up in tails and ties

She's a deceiver
Can you conceive her?
As she tells you
That she is

She's a deceiver
Would you receive her?
If you knew her
To be this

Why is my life so small, and my head so big?
It is becoming impossible to live
How can a man be so cruel and seemingly so unkind
How can she, as a rule, be so blind?

Why are my days so dark, and my soul so confined?
That even the thoughts that I find are not mine

Why are the things that you do
So painful to you?
Why do you lie, and say that it's true?
How can we live together again?
When you've twisted every word just to cause me pain
#2January 16th, 2009 · 11:41 AM
2 threads
5 posts
United States of America
very creative!
#3January 16th, 2009 · 12:07 PM
116 threads / 53 songs
3,056 posts
Netherlands
Oh yeah I remember these.. Did you actually use them in a tune?

Ok so let me try and critique here.

The first 6 verses are IMO the actual lyrics that I'd personally use. I'd discard the final 3 because they're a different story, they take on a first person perspective as a reaction to what the rich bitch is and I'm not sure, from my personal creative view on songwriting, if I'd want to share that opinion. I mean, I'd let the music tell that tale, and eventually pick up those 3 verses to write a second song out of. I find it musically hard to take on entirely different directions in one single song --- but that IS personal.

Anyway, I got kindof this vibe out of it (but not exactly the same ofcourse)
#4January 16th, 2009 · 05:29 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
PuppetXeno wrote…
Oh yeah I remember these.. Did you actually use them in a tune?

Ok so let me try and critique here.

The first 6 verses are IMO the actual lyrics that I'd personally use. I'd discard the final 3 because they're a different story, they take on a first person perspective as a reaction to what the rich bitch is and I'm not sure, from my personal creative view on songwriting, if I'd want to share that opinion. I mean, I'd let the music tell that tale, and eventually pick up those 3 verses to write a second song out of. I find it musically hard to take on entirely different directions in one single song --- but that IS personal.

Anyway, I got kindof this vibe out of it (but not exactly the same ofcourse)
Hey cheers PX...again.
I understand what you see , there is a good reason for that to, they are 3 different verses written around the same time , I put them together ... to see !
It does work if the music changes directions as you say, something I actually love to hear if done well and with a theme... say in the lyrics, the song can then become a small rock opera.

How do you come up with that link? It was quite a good read. I can see the similarity. Yes it's all just a way of letting off steam! I was inspired by some one who didn't pay me for my work.......it was this job actually.   
 
#5July 26th, 2012 · 07:52 AM
I like the line "She cries crocodile eyes," very clever. Can you post an updated link to the song (the link is broken), I'd be interested in hearing it!
#6July 26th, 2012 · 01:37 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
impendingcorruption wrote…
I like the line "She cries crocodile eyes," very clever. Can you post an updated link to the song (the link is broken), I'd be interested in hearing it!
Thank you for commenting, that link was to a page of photos, this written work was about a client who pissed me off .... not a song yet.

And a welcome to banamp to you as well, this being your second post.
#7October 24th, 2012 · 01:14 AM
30 threads / 30 songs
94 posts
United States of America
You guys and your dam lyrical writing skills!! LOL I just wish I had your talent! Well done 
Sorry, you do not have access to post...
Wanna post? Join Today!

Server Time: September 20th, 2017 · 8:49 AM
© 2002-2012 BandAMP. All Rights Reserved.