#1September 19th, 2008 · 02:19 PM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
Words
One instant, one word
the future, is rewritten.
So simple, so twisted
one word, the heart is bitten.

If only you could take it back
the words you have spoken
mature unurtured,
the curses have broken
Fates spirit is torn.

The father has said this should not be so,
but out of one mouth,
both blessings and curses flow.
Out of the eternites, nothing is as strong,
the spoken word either right or wrong.


Murder of the body
the fates weapon in hand,
Words are the weapons
were spirits fall or stand

Blood is bought with blood,
that is redemptions way.
an eye for an eye, they say
But those that kill the spirit,
stand where in the end of days

~kickass musical interlude~

chorus

your words in fates hands, your words in fates hands... (fade out)


Okay......so its still a work in progress.....i actually have a tad bit of a guitar part, but idk
Keep em comin'
Sarah~*~
#2September 19th, 2008 · 05:24 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
I like this a lot, it's very strong , it makes sense , keeps it's rhythm while saying a lot with few words.
I find "But those that kill the spirit, stand where in that great day?" a bit confusing, I can make it sound right to my self but it still feels 'the wrong way round' or not as straight and as coherent as the rest. Like the question is over shadowed by saying it.
Even though I like the third verse there are too many 'the's' in it somehow.
I do like the chorus , it's a good chorus, it's general and to the point enough to bring it together. 
I read it out loud and it reads nice as a poem.
#3November 6th, 2008 · 12:02 AM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
interesting theme
I agree with Kings. The last line is too positive sounding. The rest of the song seems a bit forboding and at the end you reference a great day, as if things are culminating to something good. Some parts could use some more clarity as it kinda messes with the flow. I made a few changes to how I percieve it.

Perhaps:

One instant, one word
the future, is rewritten.
So simple, yet so twisted       
one word, the heart is bitten.
#4November 6th, 2008 · 01:22 PM
118 threads / 55 songs
3,081 posts
Netherlands
Wow nice set of .. words yeah.

It's very poetic and I feel it's more poetry than lyrics - what kind of music style do you have in mind for this?

I can see this work on a great number of styles.
#5November 6th, 2008 · 07:35 PM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
I'm thinking a bit along the lines of the stylings of greenday or even My Chemical Romance. A bit over the top with the vocals and so on.
#6November 7th, 2008 · 12:20 AM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
i have to concure deffinitly along those lines
maybe some shredding guitar lol
#7November 7th, 2008 · 10:27 PM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
Hmmm..maybe this?
I think something like this could be a stronger chorus.
The last line is a repetitive fade type of thing...you know?
Again I am thinking the kind of stylings of MCR. So basically have the chorus kind of a punk ballad then go back into more uptempo beat for the verses...perhaps add a bit of a bridge or musical solo before the last chorus.

Also thinking for the last line....change it from the rest of the chorus. Make the chorus ballad and the last line sort of angry and loud and kinda give a pause before '...so' and almost just breathe or whisper the last word.
Anyways, I am probably getting to into it now lol. What you think?

The father says.. Oh this should not be so,
forked tounge, crooked grin
The blessings stop where curses begin.
In eternites, nothing so strong,
the spoken word...Right or wrong
This should not be so, not be so, not be...so
#8November 7th, 2008 · 11:08 PM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
Now I know I am too into it...
Intro
One instant, one word
the future, is rewritten.
So simple, so twisted
one word, the heart is bitten.

Verse 1
If you'd just take it back(...take it back)-background
The words that you've spoken.
They grow damaged and broken(...damaged and broken)-background
And from the void of black
Premature spirit awoken(...damaged and broken)-background

Chorus 1
The father says.. Oh this should not be so,
forked tounge, crooked grin
The blessings stop where curses begin.
In eternites, nothing so strong,
the spoken word...Right or wrong
This should not be so, not be so, not be...so

Verse 2
Murder of the body(...take it back)-background
The dagger still in hand,
Hourglass out of sand(...shattered and broken)-background
Flesh is battered and bloody
And a wound time cannot mend(...damaged and broken)-background
 
Verse 3
Blood is paid with blood,
that is redemptions way.
An eye for an eye they say
But those who kill the spirit,
stand where at the end of days?

*kickass musical interlude*

chorus 2
The father says.. Oh this should not be so,
forked tounge, crooked grin
The blessings stop where curses begin.
In eternites, nothing so strong,
the spoken word...Right or wrong
This should not be so, not be so, not be...so

Faded outro

It was just one word, just one word, one word, one word....
#9November 8th, 2008 · 02:40 AM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
Dudddddeeeee!!!!!!
WOW can i jack those ideas? lol! i might do some tweaking but hellz yeah!
I like the kickass musical interlude part!!
Aint nothin wrong with gettin into the music lol.
okay im inspired now! gotta find a pen.....
thank you soooo friggin much!!!

!sarah!
#10November 8th, 2008 · 02:55 AM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
Okayy
i changed some things around a bit.... thanks so much for getting into it Its nice to know that your lyrics can be appriciated!
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