#1October 18th, 2007 · 04:52 PM
7 threads
8 posts
United Kingdom
You're Not His Star Tonight
It started with a broken heart
Neglected from the attention it deserved
But now youíll never get to hear
What those other people heard

This song is for you
It wonít do any justice
But itís about the things that you do
Itís about the things that have happened
And the things I have gone through
Since the day that I first set sights on you

Understandingís just the start
When losing half your heart
Moments disappear as quick as they came
And you know that your to blame
Thereís no point in them telling you
Itís not your fault
Cause inside is yelling
ďYou failed them allĒ

And he writes in his diary
For the last time
Without her by his side
And as tears of freedom roll onto his cheek
He canít believe sheís gone
His knees are getting weak

As he boards the taxi home
He sees you, and your not alone
As he slumps in his seat
He knows heís blown it
He knows he is beat
For Godís sake
Heís drinking Jack Daniels neat!

And he looks up to the stars
But youíre not his star tonight
Youíre someone elseís light

Heís depressed, heíll never get to see you in that dress
That smile is lost tonight
Heís loving you more, rather than less

You were always in a relationship
Never single for long
Itís true when they say that the best are always taken
I was mistaken to waste half my life
On a dream that wasnít going to happen

Perhaps youíll never really know how much I loved you
Perhaps youíll never get to know the things that Iíd like to do
But itís time, I have to stop loving you
Cause youíre gone now, your just a song
But youíll always be beautiful

Copyright © 2007 Sam Evans

Comments would be much appreciated.
#2October 18th, 2007 · 11:17 PM
115 threads / 18 songs
1,414 posts
United States of America
Hiyas.  I'm going to start off by telling you that I appreciate your original title.  I'm so so sick of one or two words titles (despite my own upload of a single title, "Aspirations" -- you'll have to let me slide and not number me amongst the hypocrites).  I was actually excited when I read your post's title.. I was so surprised to see an entire complete sentence as a title.

You have my attention.  You have my respect.  Let's see what you've written.  I haven't even looked at it yet.  Here we go!

Oh, another thing about the title.  You've already stepped outside of the "Me me me, I I I, You you you" thing by introducing the word "his".  Using "his" puts the thoughtful reader at a "step back" stance, observing the story that you're about to tell.

Sorry, *now* here we go.

1st stanza:
was a little difficult to wrap my head around at first.. i couldn't decide who's broken heart we were talking about.  But after a couple of reads (which, inherantly isn't a strike against the song that it took me a few reads, by the way) I've decided that you're talking about the "I" in the lyrics.  For the sake of simplicity, I'm going to call "I" You since (likely) that's who it's talking about.

2nd stanza:
the second line tripped me up slightly, since normally we treat the verb "to do justice" as one that needs a target, so to speak.  like, one does justice to something or someone.  Here, you've used it without an object.. I understand what you're trying to say, but it made me stumble a little.  But, it's not fatal.  we shall continue.

I like the "set sights on you" part at the end of the stanza.  It's much more tactically armed than something like "laid eyes on you" or something similarly overused.  It packs more untold details than "laid eyes".  good job.

3rd stanza:
hm.. i like the use of the quotation marks in the final line, but i think that some more quotes around the "It's not your fault" part would also help clarify the 'voice' of the song.  I had to read this stanza a few times to understand it, too.  I thought that it was being really contradicting of itself, but then i understood that the "it's not your fault" part wasn't what You were telling yourself, but rather what the others were trying to tell you.

k, i'm noticing some shifting of the term "you".  before this point, "you" was Miss Target, but now we're getting into  "you" as the audience / narrator.  in text, it's rather confusing, but maybe you'll be fine in the end, all put to music

4th stanza:
i honestly can't tell if the tears of freedom here are happy or sad... like.. maybe it's the "bittersweet" kind, loaded with feelings like "finally!" and "what now?".  the unsurety might be working to your advantage though... I'll read on.

5th stanza:
second line's "your" needs to be "you're".  :P sorry.  The last 2 lines here have lost me a little :P  a little humour isn't bad though!

6th stanza:
i like it.  short, sweet, and to the point.  all 3 lines are great.

7th stanza:
another excellent, short hit.  good job.  great first line.  The third line about loving more, rather than less is a good tie back into the introduction to the song.

i'm noticing the strict lack of chorus and verse pattern, but perhaps it's just because the words to these sections are fit into verses and such.  it's hard to tell when it's just text   then again, maybe this is one of those songs that just strings out over the whole piece of music and turns into a really catchy full 5 minute onslaught of lyrics (which might me kind of cool, if you ask me).

8th stanza:
hm.. a little mysterious with that last line there.  leaves me wondering to figure out what exactly the "dream" is.

9th (final) stanza:
oo.. "perhaps" is a word that i don't encounter in lyrics all that often.  i hope you sing it well    I really like that closing line.  it shows the .. um.. the ...  regret, maybe?  or perhaps... solemn resignation?  At any rate, a job well done, sam3219.  good stuff.

all in all... i'd say that it's a really nice work.  I don't know what your music style is, but it sounds like you're comfortable enough with your story here... comfortable enough that i'm sure you could do a good job with this if you had a full band to pilot!

later!
TLS
#3October 19th, 2007 · 07:38 PM
50 threads
259 posts
United States of America
wow nice in depth review i will review l8r i g2g peace!!
Sorry, you do not have access to post...
Wanna post? Join Today!

Server Time: September 27th, 2020 · 7:26 AM
© 2002-2012 BandAMP. All Rights Reserved.