#1September 30th, 2007 · 12:35 PM
23 threads / 2 songs
45 posts
United States of America
Unmeasured Suffering
I am the founder of this new-born hate
Chaos, destruction and the fabric of pain
You toy with my mind you make me go insane
I'm leaving now I'm tired of playing your game

   Chorus:
You did this to me Take the pain away
You did this to me I give you this blade
You did this to me Take my life away
You did this to me:

No matter what I can't feel numb
I cut myself for the one that you love
I feel sick, intolerant, impatient
Death is the one thing that I can't wait for
   :Chorus:
If I had to I would die for you
Death is simpler then life with you
You're the one for me I can't deny
Lets go to sleep now lets not be alive
   :Chorus: x2
#2October 4th, 2007 · 02:26 AM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
unvarnished
This is a weird mix of originality and cliche.

These original and compelling lines:

"I am the founder of this new-born hate
Chaos, destruction and the fabric of pain"


are followed by the cliche:

You toy with my mind you make me go insane
I'm leaving now I'm tired of playing your game


The chorus isn't compelling enough. To me, the chorus just says, this is a dark, suicidal song of lost love, you've heard it all before.

Then there is this very nice rhythm, rhyme and imagery:

If I had to I would die for you
Death is simpler then life with you


Too bad the first of those two lines is such a cliche, because the second works, rocks and is even a little bit profound.

This can be improved, and it would be worth the effort.
#3October 4th, 2007 · 04:21 PM
9 threads
75 posts
United States of America
UMMM....
Chris......i kno that the whole deep thought writing is a thing with you...but if you honestly feel this way about someone you kinda need to let them kno...cuz this train of thinking is really "odd"........
Just thought i ought to tell you that~
Sarah~*~
#4October 6th, 2007 · 06:26 AM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
Mama, Just killed a man , put a gun against his head , pulled my trigger, now he's dead!

Sahara maybe Reaper is just projecting himself, gathering from different experiences, different people, different ideas and being all dark and ghouly about it !!??

Remember he is in the dark so there's not much else to see! Hens finding the light!!!

Reaper are you sure your in the right body ?
This piece sounds like a male digging a very female (emotional) hole for himself !!!
#5October 7th, 2007 · 12:01 AM
23 threads / 2 songs
45 posts
United States of America
appreciate all the comments and just so u all know I wrote this song in a very dark state of mind about a year ago but I feel I'm returning to it....
so you all may see more songs like this
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