This is a song I wrote in the 80s that I've been working on recently.
Its intended to be in the style of The Cars or Ric Ocasek.
Its in an experimental state in that I've been fooling around with the vocals and am not set with how I want to present them.

Instead of making a new post I have posted a new,  more traditional vocal mix on soundcloud.
https://soundcloud.com/thomas-cummins-3/i-need

Lyrics:

I Need

I feel the pressure there
Hard enough to make me jump
Tangles are in my hair
It tears me down to a stump

I can't shake this weight
It's like a Monkey on my back
Someone has got to share,
share with me a heart attack

Yes I need, I need everyone to leave
But I need you, I need you to get me through
Get me through, yeah

Something is coming down
You can feel it all around the town
We're all making waves
But the level is up to your nose
And if you shout aloud it will come back and blow your mind
And if you stand your ground you won't last til the second round

Yes I need, I need everyone to leave
But I need you, I need you to get me through
Get me through, yeah

I can see your face
It's got me running scared
You've got so much to hate
Your humanity is up, its in the air

Yes I need, I need everyone to leave
But I need you, I need you to get me through
Get me through, yeah

Impressions and thoughts:

Good basic structure. But there are some points to review :
First of all I noticed was the chant. You´re a good singer and you sang well here but it sounds like two different songs in my ears. Harmony vox don´t match the lead vox at all. Not synchronized. This is rather confusing to me.

About structure : I´d like to hear a bit more of variety (chord progression / melody) in the verses. It´s basically good but sounds slightly "worn out" after a while. Try to develop it more interesting/alternating/surprising.

About sound/ mix : Vox are placed/spread nicely in the stereo field. But other instruments sound a bit like "through the midle". Try to seperate ´em wider.
Drums could be mixed clearer, sound in parts a lil drowned. Esp. bassdrum (on cheap speakers), Hihat.


Snare and Toms cut through quite well.

What I liked most was the unison gitti part in the middle. Superb thought out and played.

I listened to this several times -on my cheap ´n poor PC-speakers and on my HiFi system . On both systems I missed some clarity/transparency in the mix. Hard to locate instruments.

Oh, yes, before I forget : welcome to the amp, Tom.

U.L.I.

Thanks for the welcome and for listening, ULI.

I really appreciate your comments very much. Very insightful and helpful.

The song is a bit of an experiment that I'm currently fooling around with. With the vocals I was trying to see if reversing the lead lyrics and making them sound more like a chorus throughout would be interesting. Unfortunately the coolness wears off quickly and it ends up being a bit clunky to me. I've kind of abandoned the idea and am re recording the vocals in a more traditional way but still trying to hang on to the nostalgic style of The Cars etc. I'm definitely hanging on to this version of the song in case I can think of way of making it work better.

I have posted a more traditional vocal mix on soundcloud.
https://soundcloud.com/thomas-cummins-3/i-need

I'll have to pay better attention to the pan position of the instruments once I'm into the final mix. You make some very good points in that regard.

Thanks again for listening and the salutation.

-Tom

wow 80s full on

Ive taken on board your comments ...so wont add any

there are points in the song that do stick out well

nice

swordfish

U.L.I. Has already pointed out some usefull tips.
The only other thing I would work on is the drums, to me they sound too busy.
I would try to keep it simple and subtle fills at the changes.
The main area which ULI has mentioned is to use more dynamics, vary the melody, chord structure, instrumentation.
The soundcloud vocal version better, there is already too much going on in the mix.
Keep working on it.
In most cases 'less is more'.

All been said... Particularly feel that the song is messy as there's so much going on. I'd like more simplistic vocals, less harmonies etc (and  I LOVE my harmonies), and just less - in the "less is more" sort of way.
But, the song has tons of potential. I enjoyed it.
 

Thanks everyone for listening and for your help and input.
I recently have been granted access to a Roland drum kit that makes be believe that I will attempt to replace the programmed drum track with a more personal one which will probably solve some of the busy drums issues with the song.
The complicated part about this song in particular is the balancing act of maintaining the recognizable elements that the band played so many times back in the day and giving the song a new coat of paint that gives it the contemporary polish I want. On top of all of that there is the idea that the song intends to be familiar to fans of the Cars which has never been particularly successful in all the years its been played and I'm striving to correct that aspect with this version.

There is a lot of work yet to be done and I very much appreciate the recommendations and tips you have all given me.

Thanks for all of your help.