| War on for Your Mind |    |
I recorded this in hopes that the Alex Jones radio show will use it as bumper music. Of course, I'll have to polish up it's production quality...
There's a war on for your mind
Wake up fool don't be blind
This nightmare will shake you, it's shackles are tight
It won't let you go without a fight
There's a war on for your mind
Wake up fool don't be blind
This nightmare will rape you and strip you of sight
It won't let you go without a bite
(Alex Jones blurb)
There's a war on for your mind
Wake up fool don't be blind
This nightmare will take you and burn out your light
It won't let you go tonight
There's a war on for your mind
Don't be blind
Don't be blind
Wake up, wake up, wake up
There's a war on for your mind
Wake up fool don't be blind
This nightmare will shake you, it's shackles are tight
It won't let you go without a fight
There's a war on for your mind
Wake up fool don't be blind
This nightmare will rape you and strip you of sight
It won't let you go without a bite
(Alex Jones blurb)
There's a war on for your mind
Wake up fool don't be blind
This nightmare will take you and burn out your light
It won't let you go tonight
There's a war on for your mind
Don't be blind
Don't be blind
Wake up, wake up, wake up
Hi MaxdB,
I appreciate the compliments and critique. Was the song's progression mainly boring because of the loss of layered instruments?
My goal was to keep it as simple as possible until I hear back from the radio program. I planned on spiffing it up if they liked the basic aspects of the song.
I appreciate the compliments and critique. Was the song's progression mainly boring because of the loss of layered instruments?
My goal was to keep it as simple as possible until I hear back from the radio program. I planned on spiffing it up if they liked the basic aspects of the song.
I'm not sure what you are trying to achieve here for the Radio Station, please Explain.
To be honest is does not move me, although your performance is good. My gut instinct is for you to try and sing it in a higher key, you have set yourself a high goal as you only have the guitar supporting your vocal, so without being rude I would suggest that you work on it, not just the pitch, but the feel and emotion. I remember that Toastedgoat gave a good bit of advise for any musician and that is sometime you need to exaggerate things to the extreme for it to have a presence, I think exaggerating your pronunciation would work well with this song.
If you want to keep to the same structure I would work on the dynamics, or make it shorter.
I hope you don't take this the wrong way, as I said you have set yourself a big goal - I hope what I have said helps.
To be honest is does not move me, although your performance is good. My gut instinct is for you to try and sing it in a higher key, you have set yourself a high goal as you only have the guitar supporting your vocal, so without being rude I would suggest that you work on it, not just the pitch, but the feel and emotion. I remember that Toastedgoat gave a good bit of advise for any musician and that is sometime you need to exaggerate things to the extreme for it to have a presence, I think exaggerating your pronunciation would work well with this song.
If you want to keep to the same structure I would work on the dynamics, or make it shorter.
I hope you don't take this the wrong way, as I said you have set yourself a big goal - I hope what I have said helps.
Hey Denis.
I just wanted to make a song that grabbed the essence of the Alex Jones radio show. Mainly lyrics and mood. I'm not trying to create a song for the rock charts. I thought it could be used as filler music going to and from commercials sometimes. The whole song wouldn't necessarily be played, but parts faded in and out at the program director's conveneince. I haven't really concentrated on polishing up the song or adding other instruments.
My voice doesn't fair well with me going too much higher. Plus, sometimes higher pitch can sound less strong. Maybe for love songs and soothing topics, but this is about a serious struggle for people's minds.
Can you help me understand what you mean by feel and emotion regarding my song? What do you hear in your mind that would make my voice feel closer to what you think it should feel like or be more emotive?
How would I exaggerate my pronunciation without sounding too melodramatic or phony?
(Nothing taking the wrong way.)
I just wanted to make a song that grabbed the essence of the Alex Jones radio show. Mainly lyrics and mood. I'm not trying to create a song for the rock charts. I thought it could be used as filler music going to and from commercials sometimes. The whole song wouldn't necessarily be played, but parts faded in and out at the program director's conveneince. I haven't really concentrated on polishing up the song or adding other instruments.
My voice doesn't fair well with me going too much higher. Plus, sometimes higher pitch can sound less strong. Maybe for love songs and soothing topics, but this is about a serious struggle for people's minds.
Can you help me understand what you mean by feel and emotion regarding my song? What do you hear in your mind that would make my voice feel closer to what you think it should feel like or be more emotive?
How would I exaggerate my pronunciation without sounding too melodramatic or phony?
(Nothing taking the wrong way.)
| re: War on for Your Mind |
witchwyzwurd wrote…
I recorded this in hopes that the Alex Jones radio show will use it as bumper music. Of course, I'll have to polish up it's production quality...
There's a war on for your mind
Wake up fool don't be blind
This nightmare will shake you, it's shackles are tight
It won't let you go without a fight
There's a war on for your mind
Wake up fool don't be blind
This nightmare will rape you and strip you of sight
It won't let you go without a bite
(Alex Jones blurb)
There's a war on for your mind
Wake up fool don't be blind
This nightmare will take you and burn out your light
It won't let you go tonight
There's a war on for your mind
Don't be blind
Don't be blind
Wake up, wake up, wake up
ok crit as i hear it
intro ok
but its a CR*p grunge guitar sound
vocs ok
1:16 ....cant here vocs in the mix
then u come bak
still unpleasant guitar ... but what the hell you like it
long note cool
..............end
ok thats your style .......cool
just a note the vocal drops out of the mixat about 1:16
style not my cup of tea
i admit
witchwyzwurd wrote…
Hey Denis.
I just wanted to make a song that grabbed the essence of the Alex Jones radio show. Mainly lyrics and mood. I'm not trying to create a song for the rock charts. I thought it could be used as filler music going to and from commercials sometimes. The whole song wouldn't necessarily be played, but parts faded in and out at the program director's conveneince. I haven't really concentrated on polishing up the song or adding other instruments.
My voice doesn't fair well with me going too much higher. Plus, sometimes higher pitch can sound less strong. Maybe for love songs and soothing topics, but this is about a serious struggle for people's minds.
Can you help me understand what you mean by feel and emotion regarding my song? What do you hear in your mind that would make my voice feel closer to what you think it should feel like or be more emotive?
How would I exaggerate my pronunciation without sounding too melodramatic or phony?
(Nothing taking the wrong way.)
The last line for instance 'wake up', now that's exaggerated is it not? I'm not saying you should sing it like that all the way through, just to think about what you are saying and feel it more, exaggerate certain words, phrases - after all it is an act, that's what actors do, if they just read from the script with no emotion or feeling their delivery would be awful.
At the end of the day it's your composition, if you are happy with it, just polish up the composition and get it on the radio. You may only need to cut the bass frequencies on the guitar so that the vocals are more clearer.
Good luck with it.
I like the way you sing this. But that's all. For me this track is incomplete. It needs bass and drums and something what makes this track to a song. Maybe an octave effect on the voice or so....
I liked the vocals and writing! I personally don't think you need the bass and drums if it's just filler music, but I think doubling up on your vocals or some sort of harmony on your voice would be great!
swordfish:
Thanks for your review. I wasn't sure if the song was gonna be acoustic or not so I recorded with my Martin acoustic guitar then threw a British Overdrive effect on it. Was only trying to get a quick draft done.
I'll have to bring up the volume on the Alex Jones talking part in the middle. I know it fades out a little.
Denis:
I'll work on the theatrics of my voice for a second draft of the song. Thanks so much.
TritonKeyboarder:
I agree. Incomplete. Drums/bass/etc... have to be programmed because I don't have those instruments and I'm not in connection with anyone who plays. That takes time, which I'm short of, so I'll get that in there as the song grows. Plus, I'll test harmonics on the voice. Thanks.
UndercoverApple:
Thanks for the compliments. I'll try different voicings to thicken the vocal track.
...Thanks Everyone...time to get to work...
Thanks for your review. I wasn't sure if the song was gonna be acoustic or not so I recorded with my Martin acoustic guitar then threw a British Overdrive effect on it. Was only trying to get a quick draft done.
I'll have to bring up the volume on the Alex Jones talking part in the middle. I know it fades out a little.
Denis:
I'll work on the theatrics of my voice for a second draft of the song. Thanks so much.
TritonKeyboarder:
I agree. Incomplete. Drums/bass/etc... have to be programmed because I don't have those instruments and I'm not in connection with anyone who plays. That takes time, which I'm short of, so I'll get that in there as the song grows. Plus, I'll test harmonics on the voice. Thanks.
UndercoverApple:
Thanks for the compliments. I'll try different voicings to thicken the vocal track.
...Thanks Everyone...time to get to work...
Denis wrote…
The last line for instance 'wake up', now that's exaggerated is it not? I'm not saying you should sing it like that all the way through, just to think about what you are saying and feel it more, exaggerate certain words, phrases - after all it is an act, that's what actors do, if they just read from the script with no emotion or feeling their delivery would be awful.
At the end of the day it's your composition, if you are happy with it, just polish up the composition and get it on the radio. You may only need to cut the bass frequencies on the guitar so that the vocals are more clearer.
Good luck with it.
I agree with Denis here, singing is acting a bit, i like that so much :p
Well you got some serious comments here, thats a good thing, that tells the piece is worth it!
You go work it out!
For the guitar sound:
try a lo pass filter on the highs and roll it down untill you loose the bzzz
( and do the same to the lo end with a hi pass till you loose the boom)
Maybe compress the radio recording to get a more solid sound?
So curious to what you will do with it in V2
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