#1July 28th, 2010 · 03:16 AM
35 threads / 26 songs
107 posts
United States of America
Deer In The Headlights
*

This song is not in a battle


This song is kind of about how I've been feeling lately, cuz I broke up with my girlfriend of a little more than a year recently and alot of people around have been creating stupid drama and I just feel like I wanna go away. Anyways tell me what you think, I played all the instruments and the vocals. Also, I want to know how strong my lyrics are so if you'd comment them, I'd appreciate it.   Thanks!

-Daniel

LYRICS:
Sometimes I feel I'm screaming
And I don't need no one, no one
Sometimes it seems I'm dreaming
Cause life ain't no fun, no fun

I'm sorry, everybody, but
I've got to go
Your pathetic drama
Chills me to the bone

Chorus:
Wish it didn't end like this
Coulda gave you one last kiss goodnight
Now I'm standin' in my bedroom
Like a, Like a Deer In The Headlights

Like a deer in the headlights, yeah

I'm drivin' down this road, I'm
Swervin' from side to side
Carryin' this heavy load, I'm
Tryin' my best to hide

Repeat Chorus

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#2July 28th, 2010 · 09:54 AM
29 threads / 29 songs
94 posts
United States of America
Amen brotha!!. Cool lyrics, been there done that! Not sure about soloing over the last verse towards the end there but overall very cool and "relatable"  
#3July 29th, 2010 · 03:07 AM
371 threads / 187 songs
3,377 posts
United Kingdom
Have you tried an acoustic version?, the drums sound too heavy for the piece, and I agree with Yugrox, soloing over the vox clashes a bit, why not extend the song to allow for a guitar solo.
I would also layer the vox/keep them panned center, to fatten them up.

It's got potential, keep working at it. 
#4July 29th, 2010 · 04:25 AM
35 threads / 26 songs
107 posts
United States of America
Hey thanks alot guys. I actually wrote it on an acoustic, thought it would sound cooler with kind of an 80s ballad feel (like Every Rose Has Its Thorn by Poison). I guess it would have sounded better if I had gone simpler though.
#5September 4th, 2010 · 02:27 PM
13 threads / 13 songs
41 posts
United States of America
I like the lyrics, only thing I would change is the volume of the drums and the guitar near the end. It seems that the Guitar drains out the Vocals :
#6September 5th, 2010 · 03:21 AM
117 threads / 27 songs
1,057 posts
Germany
I think, there´s a lot to learn about the basics of recording for you .
The bass  doesn´t sound very clearly, the drums are a bit too loud. 
    But the most important thing is:   Some notes of your guitar and the bassguitar are out of tune.
 The idea to play some sologuitar-licks over your vox is not bad, but there´s too much volume on it.
The lyrics are a typically expression of young, lovesick  men.                                                                            But solace yourself !!     We all went through the ´hell of love`.(lol).
Now it´s your turn to practice, to learn and to make your experiences to create & produce your own
individual & unique style. You´re young enough to do .
Allright, let´s go,boy!
                                   U.L.I.
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