#1November 15th, 2009 · 11:55 PM
151 threads / 150 songs
265 posts
United States of America
Making my Mark

This song is not in a battle

I recorded this song fairly quickly. Unfortunatley this means that the vocals are a bit sloppy, so I don't like them that much. I wrote it while feeling jealous about a certain ex-girlfriends new boyfriend.

I'm not angry i'm  just a bit irrational and
I'm just jealous  I know it's unintentional and
I don't hate you but I'm not comprehensible and
The way I treat you Is very reprehensible

I hate this jealousy From which I can never be free
I'm sick of leaving my mark Of thrashing around in the dark

It's not healthy To hide it all inside of me
To stay in silence and never let it leave my head
I know its going to  Blow the cap off the top
I shake it up just to see the bubbles rising up

Frankly i'm in a bad position
don't you know it? I'm living life in the
ocean and I'm drowing slowly
This conversation is imploding
and its going nowhere so I'll talk to myself
and maybe I'll get somewhere

When he kisses you I feel like
He is punching me In the gut with no responsibilities
His intentions are surely to be good to you
But I can't keep him  from eating my intestines out

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#2November 16th, 2009 · 02:01 PM
1 threads / 1 songs
11 posts
United States of America
I like the song the lead guitar has a nice feel You might consider a little more dynamic contrast though.
#3November 16th, 2009 · 02:57 PM
371 threads / 187 songs
3,381 posts
United Kingdom
It's great to channel songs from real life situations!!

I would love to see you push your vocal range, the melody is in your 'Safe zone', just think if you sholdchange the melody say in the Chorus, to push it way up to almost the highest notes you can sing, thus extracting all that jealousy out into the air and to my speakers.

OR raise the KEY

#4November 16th, 2009 · 03:02 PM
15 threads / 8 songs
322 posts
The idea is cool, but the whole thing seems to plod along, and is a bit tiring. I would suggest when you re-record it, to sing with a little more character and emotion, because right now I'm not feeling what you're singing at all, and to me that's the most important part of a song. Great idea, though!
#5November 16th, 2009 · 06:00 PM
51 threads / 33 songs
292 posts
Like most of your songs (I've heard a few, but haven't commented; sorry!) there's very "strong" vocals to it. Maybe try to blend it into the song more? It's probably just me and my preference in music - I'm used to listening to low-reverb music, haha. On the "strong" note though, your harmonies are great and blends well with the melody vocals!

I agree with Remedy's post - you should definitely look for more dynamic contrast. Also, try to change up some parts a bit.

Nice arrangement, good sound.

#6November 18th, 2009 · 01:26 AM
181 threads / 54 songs
1,930 posts
Excellent job and great idea writing a song on real life experiences. I agree that for the chorus you should sing it "crazier" you know...i can kind of see it in your voice...you could get explosive crazy. go for it dude. (think "careful with that axe eugene" by pink floyd kind of crazy)

Otherwise the vox for the other parts fits...the chorus needs the edgy crazy almost screaming bits. Otherwise its too calm. Ace song idea though dude
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