#1November 1st, 2009 · 01:13 AM
151 threads / 150 songs
265 posts
United States of America
Stay Out (Demo)

This song is not in a battle

Recorded a little demo. This one has a lot of lyrics.

You're always talking 'bout fixing
my brain you're always in a rush
and you always complain
You're always doling out charity to me
Always telling me exactly
what I really truly need

stay out, stay out stay out

You're always sticking your drugs in my veins
Always saying kind words just to make me be tame
You stuck a collar on the back of my neck
and you wrap it tighter when you need a little respect

You're always asking me how I really feel
You're the doctor, you're the lawyer and the prison cell
You put a megapixel camera in my face
And wired up the lamp fixtures in my place

I'd rather be free
Than safe as I can be
Stay out, stay out,
Leave me all alone
Stay out of my home
stay out, stay out,
Don't you take my stuff
Don't you take my love
Stay out, stay out, stay out

You're always patronizing everything I am
And talking about things that you do not understand
And every  metaphor I make escapes your grasp
You're running out of things to pull out of your ass

You're looking out for me from cradle to the grave
You're always looking for somebody to save
You put a bar code on the back of my head
So you can read it to ensure that I'm not dead

You made a prison out of words and lies swoon
You might as well put me on the far side of the moon
You feed me nothing through the hole in the side wall
Expect me to obey you, for good of one and all

You're always selling me your advice
You're always making evil things look so nice
You're always pointing out the speck in my eye
You're too afraid to pull the log out of your thigh

You're always beating loudly on the front door
You're always asking me for more and more and more
You're always in some kind of great big jam
Even though you know that I don't really give a damn

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#2November 1st, 2009 · 01:59 AM
15 threads / 8 songs
322 posts
I like the way this sounds production wise. I feel like there should be 'more' though? I think it would be great as a big 'John Shanks'-like song. It sort of sounds like "Are You Happy Now" by Michelle Branch.
#3November 1st, 2009 · 04:49 AM
371 threads / 187 songs
3,381 posts
United Kingdom
I'm sure your working on Drums & Bass.
I would like to hear some backing vox where you sing 'STAY OUT'
Not sure if the rhythm change towards the end, but it may work if you add drums and bass.

I like the rhythm guitar, your vox are nice, but as the vocal melody is fast, the timing and accent are a little off in some places, but then this just a demo.

Finally I would love to hear your vox pushed out more in some places, particularly the Chorus.

It's got potential.

#4November 1st, 2009 · 08:58 AM
91 threads / 11 songs
884 posts
United States of America
Great possibilities here, this song has a good hook. When I listen to this and imagine it's potential, I hear almost a Linkin-Park kind of treatment here (meaning I hear a heavy grunge effect on the chorus with some shouted, layered, chorused vocals and those great grinding guitars - drums and bass, of course - that you do so well).. Maybe leave the initial verses as just acoustic guitar and voice.I also think the song needs to have a building, crescendo kind of quality to the end. I look forward to hearing what you do with this......
#5November 2nd, 2009 · 09:26 PM
8 threads / 2 songs
79 posts
United States of America
This kind of reminds me of the beginning of the song "I'm a cloud" by Boy Hits Car. I kept expecting a harder sound coming up near the chorus.
I like it though, great vocals, the lyrics go well, nice guitar riffs, overall nice track.
#6November 18th, 2009 · 01:33 AM
181 threads / 54 songs
1,930 posts
Excellent idea for a song, great demo! Im sure this is gonna develop amazingly....this is packed with amazing freaking possibilites
I can see a huge explosion of instruments and guitar solos in this one.
#7November 18th, 2009 · 01:45 AM
117 threads / 55 songs
1,541 posts
Are you effing kidding me?! Where the hell are the power drums, the distorted guitar, the strong multi-layered chorus, the crazy solo... you know what I mean?
This has so much potential and you just wasted it. Man you either make a final version of this song I'm going to spam all of your songs with just crap... seriously!
You'd be the biggest idiot if you don't take this to the next level.

             > Iszil

PS: DAMN! Dude, I just can't take away from my mind the full version of this song; it'd rock so f***ing hard!
PPS: Don't take me too seriously... although, take my advice and do it. You have 140 song and the 141 is going to be the remake of this and it will be the best, for sure.
#8November 22nd, 2009 · 01:38 PM
128 threads / 44 songs
2,814 posts
Puerto Rico
Loved Iz comment I agree this would totally rule as a full fledged song..Not to piggy back on your talent but anything from me I can help with for you to complete this I'm 150% up for it!Not that you need it as your more than capable!!!!
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