A very rough draft of a song I just made last night.
I've had this melody in my head for years so I thought I'd try to use it.
comments good or bad, just let them out ; )
thanks for the listen

The melody sounds Ok for a chorus, I feel it needs breaks and for the rhythm breaks down.
Not sure about the sound samples the notes dont appear to be smooth.
It's a good foundation to work on, perhaps now create something to go with it, plus a bridge.

I like the melody........ actually the combination of "off-chords" used is very mystifying. Love the  angelic keys in it....... would love to hear some vocals in it... Id say this is a perfect start. You should continue and like Denis mentioned a bridge would work  and then back to your original melody imo.
 *Very nice ~
Fid

Sorry man, gotta say it, I again like the progressive addition of instruments and such, very sweet, but I am not so much feeling the techno (oh and he's lost in the 90's again) vibe.  The synth plates (i believe they are called) are nice but I am feeling like there are simply too many artificial aspects:  it loses the humanity a bit for me and in the other songs I have heard from you, the humanity is what makes the music intriguing.  Bias:  drop some of the artificial, replace it with 'analog', and I think it will sound great... for me anyway.  That said, I really like the layers, they create this great melody that I can't help but hear in a movie, just after the big gun fight (or whatever), when the wounded and proud stagger off the field.  Or I'm a creep ha ha something anyway.

Hey hey..This is a bit different from your usual work..I take it as expansion of your sound..Yeah there some finessing to do but hey good job adding to your  muti layer library...
Try bringing the drums up just a little,and maybe bring down the strings to half that volume..Give it an acoustic guitar recording with a bit of base too and it should set you up for development...
Good show keep it going your doing great!

I don't know, when I listen to this song I just feel that this doesn't seem right to me.
You know what I mean?