just made this up last night

That's very cool, man. I can't wait to hear the 2nd draft! I would love to help you record that, and make it sound awesome.
I've become a pretty big fan lately of recording spoken-word type poetry over guitar playing... you can get some really interesting emotional mixtures, like you did with this one.
Keep 'em comin dude! Everything you write is great, so don't be afraid to pump it out! 

Hell yeah! This has fantastic potential.I like how  you split the sounds to essentailly encompas the head, but allow the details to peek through. Cant wait to see it more refined.

i like this its very real and raw. I expected some singing in here tho. are u going to add some vocals or leave in a speech manner. Try singing to it, lol even tho if you can't sing. I really like the chord progression you put in

I was thinking about adding some singing. I'll make a second draft with some vocals if you guys can give me back some input.

very dreamy. I can hear some long drawn out notes for vocals. some one liners dancing around the poetic speech. For me it seems it needs to be a speech like or poemish rather than straight singing.