I spent a  long time writing the music for this one, and only got around to writing the lyrics tonight, and they were rather sloppy. I feel I could have done a lot more on this song.

Lyrics:
When your bullets miss the mark
When you're stumbling in the dark
Just recall where you're coming from
When all the air that you can breathe
Is coming only through your sleeves
Just remember what you were put here for
When everything that you have built
Comes tumbling right off all its stilts
You need to start again; pick up the pieces


Never live to die
To never give
To never try
Never live to die
To never give
To never try

I'd never known it'd be this easy
To have to quit
When I'd already promised to commit
I'd never think of starting over
To do it again
Just like all other men
I'd never thought I'd be a failure
Maybe I'm not
Maybe I have another shot

Well, here's the thing. Your voice simply wasn't made to sing the way you try to sing in the verses. It gets a little better in the chorus because you relax back into a style that is more natural to you. But trying to sound gravelly and dark when you simply aren't doesn't work. A song can have dark lyrics and still work without trying to set the mood with your singing style.

I wrote that while I was listening. I notice that it gets better as the song goes on, but it was particularly bad during the first verse.

I'm leaving this seemingly negative feedback because I think this is a good song that could be better than good.

My first instict was to add a echo effect to your vox, just think it would go great with the song.

I'm no good with lyrics, so wont mention anything there.

Like the guitar work, nice melodies.

Cheers

Denis

production of band sound is fine!!!!
lyrics sound fine to me ..........u have a great voice............
if u aint happy with sound or lyric then dont hoist it............
if u think it could be better pull it down and rehoist it once u r happy..........
yep there are loads of things u could do to make it better vocally...........and band wise!
yes a touch of echo or reverb on he voice as per DENIS
how about some adventurous panning???? moving guitars or drums????
if u want that hippy sound some phasing or flanging (on the drums) would transform this!!!

ker hippy flashback
hey i vote 89% as it is

the fish

this has potential , personally like the vocal , mmmm & direction, the harmonies subtle & classic within the genre style aka nickelback pearl jam etc which is a plus , band sounds ok too.
Touch of delay on vocal here and there ....spotlight in tempo would be a thought , all in all good show tog89 , really enjoyed and thanks for the opportunity to hear
well done

Great song...I hear lots of great things in here..I really don't have issues with your voice sounding the way it does, I actually like it..It has a unique timber to it.I think the production in general in terms of the overall mix is bit hot, but as far as I can tell the sound recording goes it sounds you had good individual takes...Good show as usual!
Rated

Great production, gotta nice vibe going on here, liking the overall feel of your music... Vox do seem to be outta place from time to time, maybe it's the mix?  Good show!



Bu Cuo!