| Avelina |    |
Avelina (Song Through Closed Eyes) by James Iarocci
I finished writing the song last August, and only got around to recording it over April 1st and 2nd. I performed all tracks on this recording. Lyrics as follows:
If I looked where I'm going, what would I see
Beside the tiny victim of some sidewalking tragedy?
I never would have placed my shoe
In quite the spot it landed there
If I had known what it would do
An accidental sin to bear
But if I never look from hence
I'll walk here free of consequence
Could I blame myself not seeing here who dies
With my never opened eyes?
I have seen all that I ever mean to see
Of all my senses, I ask from this one to be free
Should I forget why, I'll be safe and never know
How it all looked, and how it pained me then to go
Seemed I hardly said hello
If I looked into your eyes, what would I see
Beside the shattered remnants of the one who reflected me?
As I had followed where you'd gone
You plunged into the ocean deep
Mistaking this for moving on
I put a broken heart to sleep
But if you are, within your dream,
As much like me as it would seem
We'll go on with no more regretful sighs
With our never opened eyes
I finished writing the song last August, and only got around to recording it over April 1st and 2nd. I performed all tracks on this recording. Lyrics as follows:
If I looked where I'm going, what would I see
Beside the tiny victim of some sidewalking tragedy?
I never would have placed my shoe
In quite the spot it landed there
If I had known what it would do
An accidental sin to bear
But if I never look from hence
I'll walk here free of consequence
Could I blame myself not seeing here who dies
With my never opened eyes?
I have seen all that I ever mean to see
Of all my senses, I ask from this one to be free
Should I forget why, I'll be safe and never know
How it all looked, and how it pained me then to go
Seemed I hardly said hello
If I looked into your eyes, what would I see
Beside the shattered remnants of the one who reflected me?
As I had followed where you'd gone
You plunged into the ocean deep
Mistaking this for moving on
I put a broken heart to sleep
But if you are, within your dream,
As much like me as it would seem
We'll go on with no more regretful sighs
With our never opened eyes
Very nice! Lyrics are full of content. Although the song sound very good as it is, only point I can mention is that listening to it as it is maybe a little bit fast for the lyrics. That is, I have to either be reading the lyrics or put full attention to them.
The song is beautiful to hear, but it'd also be very interesting to hear a slower version where these lyrics, that hold so much meaning, get to the listener directly. Anyway, it's just an idea. I do like it a lot and I'm rating it high
The song is beautiful to hear, but it'd also be very interesting to hear a slower version where these lyrics, that hold so much meaning, get to the listener directly. Anyway, it's just an idea. I do like it a lot and I'm rating it high
It's a good song, but yes I agree with AndiRux about the speed.. perhaps just slow it a little. Also, the overall mix seems a little muddled - there's lots going on there, and not quite enough space around the sounds to enjoy the instruments.
Playing, singing, all very good (well, apart from the note at 2:47!) - composition is good too - just let down by the muddled recording.
The vocal harmonies at the end are really excellent, and too me are almost the best part of the song!
Playing, singing, all very good (well, apart from the note at 2:47!) - composition is good too - just let down by the muddled recording.
The vocal harmonies at the end are really excellent, and too me are almost the best part of the song!
whats that instrument playing behind the piano before the 1 min mark? interesting choice .. like the way the piano keeps driving the song.. the lyrics are deep but somehow I feel more suited to prose than a song.
.. like the way the piano keeps driving the song.. the lyrics are deep but somehow I feel more suited to prose than a song.borrowedseason - You're probably hearing the mandolin, which plays throughout the entire song, not just before 1:00. Also, [what is the/why should there be a] distinction between prose and song lyrics?
Jiminuk - Yes, yes, that one note at 2:47. How much effort could it possibly have taken me to fix that one note... well, at this point, my attitude is, this version is mixed and I won't be bothered fussing with it now. When you say muddled, can you be more specific as to the causes of this muddling? Because I can tell what you mean, but haven't the foggiest clue where to start for fixing this.
kav - Right back at you.
AndiRux - Slower? Really? I wouldn't have played it any slower than this, lest the chorus [F#m Bm F#m Em] start dragging. The idea is to put enough into a song such that multiple listens are required to capture everything. If I hear a song that I'm able to dissect completely upon a first listen, I usually don't like it.
Jiminuk - Yes, yes, that one note at 2:47. How much effort could it possibly have taken me to fix that one note... well, at this point, my attitude is, this version is mixed and I won't be bothered fussing with it now. When you say muddled, can you be more specific as to the causes of this muddling? Because I can tell what you mean, but haven't the foggiest clue where to start for fixing this.
kav - Right back at you.
AndiRux - Slower? Really? I wouldn't have played it any slower than this, lest the chorus [F#m Bm F#m Em] start dragging. The idea is to put enough into a song such that multiple listens are required to capture everything. If I hear a song that I'm able to dissect completely upon a first listen, I usually don't like it.
I think the verses are amazing. The highering of the voice is wonderfull. I think the chorus is a bit to dragging even with the accompagnement this fast. I think a harmonic change would be nice. I think the dragging is caused by the consequetal F#m chord. taking away from the harmonic development. Bm is underdominant of em, but the F#m is underdominant of Bm, So going to em after the F#m isn' resolving and a chorus needs strong resolvement in my opinion. But in all i realy liked the song, espacialy the verses are wonderfull.
Glad you enjoyed it!
True, the Em in the chorus is not a resolution, but it's not meant to be. Isn't it a sad chord in that context? The strong resolution comes only once, at the end of the fifth line, the C11 to the Bm, and is all I felt was necessary.
True, the Em in the chorus is not a resolution, but it's not meant to be. Isn't it a sad chord in that context? The strong resolution comes only once, at the end of the fifth line, the C11 to the Bm, and is all I felt was necessary.
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