Just a very first test of some lyrics. I recieved the chorus from a friend and wrote a song around it. It is meant to be for a friend after his mother died. Any advice you can give would be great!

She was your beginning, but now she is gone,
You thought she was forever,
How did things go wrong?,
Maybe it is better that you just move on,
I know you can't forget her,
But I'll be there all along

So sudden, so swift,
you wonder, in the end, did she fear?,
Your thoughts are adrift,
would it have been different had you been near?
Could you have been the lift,
She needed to come clear.

People come and go, ill be there forever,
learn how to let go,forget,forget,remember
ill be there forever
only thing you need to remember
keep in mind, life goes on, ill be there all along

Maybe another time, maybe another world,
You will find her again,
A place free from the cold,
A time with no pain,
Where we won't grow old.
then you'll be free again,

Take this chance to live your dreams,
Just look at the world,
Nothing's as it seems,
Take the dark, take the cold,
Make it something real,
Make it what you feel.

( this part was added after till 3:08)
( lyrics not recorded)

People come and go, we're not here forever,
learn how to let go, forget, forget, remember,
love is forever,
only thing you need to remember,
keep in mind, life goes on, ill be there all along.

People come and go, why can't we be forever,
learn to live love and remember,
She will be there forever,
only thing you need to remember,
keep in mind, life goes on, She'll be there all along

First of all, welcome to Bandamp. You will find that this is a great music site ....

The song sounds good..I do like the gflow of the music....What do you mean by""" I think the part my friend added after I wrote it is well meant but is too much."""" I think hat it is a good addition
is this a one take track...?   if it is its not to bad for a one track take..
I would suggest that you try to put a lil more power in your vocals....not that they are bad....you have a good voice....I think you should try to make it stronger...I hope you get what I'm saying...

Flyer


Will Rate

the same I suggested to the singer......I sent this to someone out of province to try putting it to track. Yes it was one take. I am hoping to put it to more proffessional melody and a new singer. This version is a beta test. Once I get the new music done we can really focus on the vocals. Thanks for the feedback!

Im enjoying the concept of this song, and I think if you work on the recording then it could really develop into a nice soulful piece.  Going to second Flyer's comments on the vocals (though he knows far more about them than I do). 

Keep us posted, and welcome to bandamp!

Kobeshi

this is a good song and very moving, i cant see why its too much as you suggested... this is a good piece of music and you could experiment on it..your voice has a natural flow//// we are not here for ever..so make the most of the amp...well done... 

Welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes the concept is lovely.

Perhaps just try and improve the recording quality first, you will get plenty of help on the forums here.

Merry Christmas


Denis

For sure! I am in the process of getting better recording than jut a PC mic. It is not me singing FYI. It is a friend of a friend. It was recorded as a sample. I love suggestions if you have any! Thanks for the comments. -Mark

This is very nice! Looking forward to hearing more!

amazing!I like the lyrics a lot
Voice is very good also!reminds me of Coheed and Cambria-ish vocals
at the improvised part, it sounds far away.
and as said before,have power underneath your voice!
Sounds like you're not even confidant.


will rate ^_^

the girl singing is 15 years old and will mature. Again, it is not me. I am a 27 year old male lol. I just did the lyrics. She will appreciate yur comments of her singing. I will pass them on! Thanks again

What insturment are you playing?

I think you did a good job. You have a pretty voice.

She was playing an acoustic guitar...

So the girl is playing and singing and you just wrote the lyrics?

[edit]
He answered me in chat. My reply is...
I guess I don't get it. I listen to the music and the combination of voice and insturment before the words. The words mean crap. She has a pretty voice and plays well. I would be happy if she sung "I like to throw dog shit at passing cars" because the feel, the emotions of a song do not come from lyrics. Lyrics come from the feel.