#1November 19th, 2007 · 09:46 AM
12 threads / 7 songs
46 posts
United States of America
Boy Next Door
*

This song is not in a battle


This is a work in progress. It is Very Very raw at best. My voice is still recovery as you can tell as I strain the words towards the beginning of the phrasing "supposed to live next door."  OVerall, it takes me back to the simple naivete I once possessed when learning the guitar on my own for the first time.  For two years, I've just been a passive listener studying various styles and then going back to my own style in a basic way.  There is room for improvement I know, but I have stayed away from the usual now. I no longer drink coffee nor have whip cream with my hot chocolate (yes it's come down to cocoa-expensive though, since I decompress after work at Starbucks-hey an artist has to get some inspiration some where)....

Anyway, the song is simple in the words that follow. I'm still needing to expand the lyrics. There not as creative as I'd like them to be. I'm no Ben Gibbard, though i aspire to be someday


PEOPLE THINK THEY KNOW WHAT I'M ABOUT
BUT I'M ABOUT TO PLANT THE SEEDS OF THEIR DOUBT
WHO KNOWS WHAT THE FUTURE WILL BRING
WHO KNOWS WHICH WAY THEIR HEART WILL SWING
I LAY IN MY BED CARRYING MY HEAD IN MY HANDS

COZ THE BOY WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO LIVE NEXT DOOR
HAS YET TO MOVE IN
AND SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET.
SOMEBODY TELL ME LOVE GETS EASY
AS THE DAYS GET LONGER
OH, WHERE IS MY BOY NEXT DOOR....

abrupt stop sorry....

So yes, this isn't my usual or favorite kind of theme. Girl waiting for boy to come and rescue her lonely heart, but it speaks of what i feel most people have misconceptions about my love life.  I just haven't met that special someone. Yeah, I know, you can't just wait around for the "guy to move in", but maybe this song will speak to someone else's dilemma that echoes in this song?...I don't know. The one thrill I got about writing songs in the beginning is how my friends who I mailed tapes to would say that most of my songs would become relevant, if not immediately when I gave it to them but perhaps later in life which help them understand and get through their situations in life....It's moments like these that makes me want to be a songwriter again ....

Please leave feedback and tell me what you think I sound like

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#2November 19th, 2007 · 11:58 AM
118 threads / 55 songs
3,079 posts
Netherlands
Ok, so what this is is a very raw sketch of what could become a really decent tune. Musically, I like the chord progression - it surely delivers the sentiment you are attempting to communicate. The lyrics are pretty straight forward - they tell the story and the listener has to be really dim to not understand what they mean. So good marks for you there too.

As you said it is a draft, I will not comment on the production quality. And yes, I can hear your voice is out of shape, I've heard your earlier work and that was definately much better on the vocal side.

Other than hearing some grunge influences I'd say this is very contemporary indie rock, I am, however, not too familiar with all the names of the bands in that scene nowadays. I sure hope you never plan to be Ben Gibbard though, simply because he is a man and you obviously are not (judging your voice n such), so please stay as you are! Although, developing yourself further as an artist is never a bad idea, so don't take that last bit too literally.

All in all you hold a promise; and being promising is probably one of the best things you can be as an artist, since that is what keeps your audience coming back. I myself am for sure looking forward to more of your work.

Cheers and good luck

ps. I forgot to mention that I do recognize the sentiment of the song, being a recurrent single myself - or should I say I grow restless in relationships. But I do know what kind of hopes and even desperation may apply as a result of chronic un-attachedness (cute word) - however I do prefer freedom in the end. I digress...
#3November 20th, 2007 · 02:59 AM
371 threads / 187 songs
3,379 posts
United Kingdom
Your geting the message across, thats the most imprtant thing.

When your feeling ship shape, please re-record this lovely piece, it deserves it.

Rated

Denis
#4November 20th, 2007 · 01:36 PM
5 threads / 5 songs
590 posts
United Kingdom
I think your right, this kind of song will always communicate to someone.
 I really like it, even though love (or lack of love) songs arent my favourite genre, the lyrics are well writen (imo, but im no lyricist) and the 'rawness' of the song is quite refreshing in a world of synth layered techno tracks. yes, there are a couple of improvements to be made, but you've already mentioned that its a rough sketch.
 Im looking forward to hearing the full version, good luck with the recording.

Ian
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