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#1October 21st, 2007 · 09:30 PM
3 threads / 3 songs
24 posts
United States of America
Allegory of the Cave
*
Please vote for this song !
Current votes: 7 (needs min. 15)
It’s in the battle 2007-11


So here I stand, covered in sand, falling from an hourglass
This game so completely masked by shadows falling from the cityscapes
Was it you who wanted to know
The thoughts inside, nobody knows
From what I can tell you, its about all the things held inside your pretty head
A spark of hope bright in your eyes, that the cave is easy to escape
The fire burning bright
At your back, casting shadows of figures
The wall your world
But there’s more, oh there’s more

It may be time to walk through flame
With no one, and nothing but an idea
One that will not burn, will not wilt
And that will be truth, or illusion

Is it so simple to hide inside never to see the light of day
It is you see, its you its not me, at least that’s what I tell myself
When you fell from the sky
Did it hurt, hitting the ground
So full of this speech, its covering me I sit here gasping for fresh air
But I too am shackled, my head in a vice staring straight ahead at stone
The fire burning bright
At your back, casting shadows of figures
The wall your world
But there’s more, so much more

It may be time to walk through flame
With no one, nothing but an idea
One that will not burn, will not wilt
And that will be truth, if there is truth

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#2October 21st, 2007 · 09:31 PM
50 threads / 12 songs
305 posts
United States of America
Plato's The Republic for those who don't know.
#3October 21st, 2007 · 09:40 PM
3 threads / 3 songs
24 posts
United States of America
You're right, the inspiration for this song.  Smart kid, I appreciate when people pick up on the details!
#4October 22nd, 2007 · 12:25 AM
115 threads / 18 songs
1,414 posts
United States of America
well, hey, i have to say that i'm impressed-- i really like the vocal melody.  the chorus is especially nice, lyrically and melodically.

the transitionary guitar plucking is very nice, too.

you've picked a great source of inspiration, martin   it's worked rather well, i'd say!

wow, i'm having to pick at sticks in order to find something to suggest for improvement.  The only thing that's coming to mind right now is that from time to time I can hear a puff into the mic.

oow, i just scratched my eye!!! shoot.

sorry, where was i.  Ah, yeah-- the mic puff is hard to avoid without some professional equipment, or a popscreen, at least.  for my own songs, i tend to try to sing just past the mic, holding the mic horizontally to the right of my mouth, hoping to catch all of the sound, but without direct breath ever hitting the mic.  i dunno-- it's just what i do :P  maybe i'm weird.  it isn't a foolproof way, as I still get some puffs in there myself.

great song, man!  i'm glad to have come across this.  You're one of those lucky users who recieves a rating due to a catchy song title-- i don't know you all that well, so your song title was pulling the weight.  good job 

TLS
#5October 22nd, 2007 · 05:14 AM
371 threads / 187 songs
3,375 posts
United Kingdom
Great lyrics, I wish I could write song words like this.

I wouldn't change a thing, perhaps lenghten the tranitions in the acoutic pickings, it gives the song more dymension.

Will Rate.


Denis
#6October 22nd, 2007 · 07:29 AM
127 threads / 43 songs
2,808 posts
Puerto Rico
Great work on guitar melody and recording.Very Impressive.Not into the delay all the time.I think it would work fine sometimes but not always.Anyway that's a matter of taste.The song is awesome.Hi votes!
#7October 22nd, 2007 · 08:32 AM
2 threads / 2 songs
12 posts
Finland
Oh mine. I like your voice. What do you use for recording?
#8October 22nd, 2007 · 09:19 AM
3 threads / 3 songs
24 posts
United States of America
I use a mic that hooks up to my usb port.  Its called a blue ball, it works pretty well and I dont think its too expensive.
#9October 22nd, 2007 · 01:06 PM
8 threads / 7 songs
83 posts
Venezuela
Pretty nice, but as marino said, delay is good but in the right measure. It's a pretty good song, even though i don't hear this kind of genre i liked it pretty much.
#10October 22nd, 2007 · 03:40 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
Really nice song.
I like your lyrics a lot, well sculptured. And from an inspirational source.
Yes it's definitely a song that could develop into something really amazing the more you worked at it.
Different vocal effects for different parts, elaborate on the guitar in parts add some vocal harmonies or a layered chorus !??
#11October 23rd, 2007 · 10:40 PM
4 threads / 4 songs
145 posts
United States of America
Neat song, really liked it overall, not too much to comment on, very good.
#12October 29th, 2007 · 05:20 PM
3 threads / 3 songs
9 posts
United States of America
I like the lyrics.
#13October 29th, 2007 · 11:39 PM
64 threads / 13 songs
669 posts
United States of America
Again, I'm short on time.  I apologize for the poor critique; it will just be a list.

Bad:
  Extremely unbalanced EQ
  Delay kills the vocal line.  I would ditch it completely and apply some light reverb instead.
  Buy or make a pop filter.  You can sing into the mic, get more dynamism from your voice and get little or no pop.
  Vocal line in terms of amplitude is all over the place.  Needs very mild compression.
  Try to sing with a bit more energy---there's too much throat in your voice.

Good:
  Extremely beautiful and melodic guitar.
  Barring recording/mixing problems, the vocal line is fantastic.  You've chosen a melody that suits not only the lyrics, but your voice.
  Great voice.
  Great arrangement---contrary to M I would not change the transitions.  They work fine for me.
#14October 30th, 2007 · 02:34 AM
117 threads / 54 songs
3,066 posts
Netherlands
I disagree with avi's comment about the vocal effect. I like it, though I would've used a different eq'ing. But, he's right about amplitude and the energy put into the singing. Still it's not bad at all, I've heard lots, lots worse even from professional bands.

In the end it's a great piece of music, albeit basic (guitar and voice only), but it works like it should.I wonder what this would become if put to a complete arrangement...
#15October 30th, 2007 · 06:59 AM
77 threads / 45 songs
2,296 posts
United States of America
...
I agree with puppet..I like the vocals...your lyrics are very complex...they are very good..I like the acoustic guitar...nice vocals...maybe you could add some stronger vocals at some certain points in the song...kinda change the flow of it a bit...the vocal stay at about the same level is what I'm saying...but other then that this is pretty good...

Flyer

Will Rate
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