#1October 10th, 2007 · 12:54 PM
49 threads / 42 songs
493 posts
United Kingdom
Find The Words with vocal
*

This song is not in a battle


AAHAHAHA my singing is so bad

but seriously, I'm going to be redoing this with James' loverly vocals, but here is a quick version with me singing on it. It's my first vocal on a song and also the first time I've ever written lyrics.

I took suggestions on the bass in the mix etc. I also added a Solo at a suggestion from Avi. It is completely improvised apart from the tapping at the end. For my fellow guitar geeks, it is satriani-style two-handed tapping with a pick, and it is approx 8 notes per beat at 120bpm.

The lyrics are about a guy who cheats on his girlfriend and feels guilty so is trying to find the words to tell her. However as he thinks about it he realises that she drove him away by neglecting him anyway, so he is better off without her.

Lyrics:

I don't want to have this cross to bear
Whenever I see you standing there
She didn't matter to me, and I know I should tell you
But I just can't find the words

Because she was there for me
When you just looked right through me
Tried to catch your eye
But then you looked away
Wanted more from this
But you just loved to take
You just drove me away

I don't want to have this cross to bear
But do I really  want you standing there?
I clearly don't matter to you, so why am I waiting
I should just try to find the words

I gave you everything
But you said I was selfish?
I was honest with you
But you said I lied?
So why should I carry on
Just wasting my time...

**SOLO**

So now I dont have this cross to bear
I dont have to see you standing there
She didn't matter to me, but no longer do you
So now I have found the words

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#2October 10th, 2007 · 02:10 PM
64 threads / 13 songs
669 posts
United States of America
Good take on the suggestions---I'm glad you took my (and others') criticism well and applied it productively.  For the record, the mix is much better now.  The vocals still need some work at the mixer: turn them up a little and play with the reverb a little so that they fall into the track better.

Your vocals aren't bad, you just need practice...I'm in the same place.  I've found singing with the mic a little higher than I expect while standing up and angled down towards my mouth opens my throat up a little and gives me better projection.  Your mileage may vary.  Experiment around and I am sure you will find something that works for ya.

The solo is ridiculous; I loved it.  I completely wasn't expecting something so disgustingly outrageous.  Every adjective in the previous sentence was a compliment.
#3October 10th, 2007 · 03:37 PM
371 threads / 187 songs
3,387 posts
United Kingdom
Didn't hear the previous mix?

Love the piano, arrangement, lyrics.

The overal sound is a bit thin, I cant put my finger on it, it could be just the dynamics.

Your vox are Ok, just wrong key, needs to come up, If you can go an octave higher you wont have to re-record it. LOL

Great guitar solo, but I think It's OTT for this song.

The song has great potential, all you need to do is get your vox projecting better and play with the mix a bit to get a fuller sound.

Will Rate

Denis
#4October 10th, 2007 · 04:01 PM
115 threads / 18 songs
1,415 posts
United States of America
he ain't bad mayties    really, though, the vocal job isn't half as bad as I was expecting when you opened your post like you did.  But then again, maybe it was a evil scheme to make the vocals sound pretty good since we were all expecting something like livadream a couple of years ago

i think your sense of melody is good-- this sounds like it could be radio material :P

well, you definitely have the recording environment, so really i think only the vocals could use what bit of improvement that's already been suggested by the other post'ers.  But if you say that James will do the vocals on the next take, then more power to James.  Whoever that is

I leave my approval   You know what you doing.
#5October 10th, 2007 · 04:52 PM
49 threads / 42 songs
493 posts
United Kingdom
hey guys... thanks for the comments

Thanks to Avi for all the tips (and LOL about the solo), and to everyone on the vocals feedback. Tbh its gonna take me alot of work (I have fussy ears) so I hope to rerecord this with James! Still it is nice to put out the melody in my head.

I'm not sure I agree with the mix being thin I'm pretty happy with it, but thankyou. It was a conscious decision to remove some of the boxy midrange - I guess the sound I was looking for was crisp rather than saturated. I decided against adding strings or a distorted guitar to bump up the mids, but heck I may do it one day.

And I know the solo is OTT but couldn't resist!!

Thanks again
#6October 10th, 2007 · 05:29 PM
7 threads / 5 songs
52 posts
United States of America
dude this reminds me of Johny Cashes Hurt i would love doing a duet with you
#7October 10th, 2007 · 11:09 PM
64 threads / 13 songs
669 posts
United States of America
Sorry, I just had to post: how on earth does this sound like Hurt?  I actually listened to Hurt, then this again to make sure I wasn't wrong, but apart from superficial similarities all songs share, I hear no similarities.

Dave, I'm glad I could have helped.  And as a guitarist, I completely understand the need to just rip an abominable solo to make my day just a little better.

With regards to the mix: it is a little thin, but I think that it works here.  If anything, I think it could use some work on the tambourine which would probably make it thinner.  I feel a lot has to do with improving the vocals' mix.  I have the same issue too, actually.
#8October 15th, 2007 · 06:25 PM
8 threads / 8 songs
257 posts
Netherlands
I like monotonic music(new wave for example),..this is a very good song indeed,..as a positive crittic a would say:perhaps make the guitar solo more romantic/less notes,..or more releaxed.
Good job!!
#9October 15th, 2007 · 07:09 PM
128 threads / 44 songs
2,814 posts
Puerto Rico
Awesome job with the song construction.The vocal mix and sound are bit thin for my taste.The solo is awesome but a bit busy for this song.Great song man though this is real good stuff!
Wow!
Hi rates!
M.
#10December 5th, 2007 · 03:18 AM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
I think it sounds great. I would definately bring the vocals forward a bit. Nothing to hide there. Very unique voice and it fits the song very well. Keep it up!
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