#1July 25th, 2007 · 02:32 PM
151 threads / 150 songs
265 posts
United States of America

This song is not in a battle

Sorry I haven't been active recently. I've been doing alot of live stuff with my band and thus haven't had the time to write.

Here we are, a simple beat inspired by both Nine Inch Nails and Puddle of Mudd

I can see that I知 dying
A little more everyday
Can稚 you see that I知 crying?
Or do you think I知 okay?
And I sent out a little prayer
A little prayer for you
Do you even care?
is it all about..you?

I do not fear
Anything but my insides
Inside of me
I知 drowning again

And I think I will wait here
Wait here for you
And I think I知 late here
Waiting here for you
Waiting for your answer
Maybe someday its true
Yes No or maybe
It痴 all the same bull

I do not fear
Anything but my insides
Inside of me
I知 drowning again
And I知 praying
And I知 praying
And I知 praying
And I知 praying
And I知 praying
And I知 praying

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#2July 25th, 2007 · 03:46 PM
37 threads / 19 songs
618 posts
United States of America
well, the instrumental is ok.. over and over.......
the lyrics start to loose their ability to stand
alone and hold the listeners undivided attention.
but is still strong enough to at least make it to
the end of the song..  together the song is
good, but becomes ever so slightly repetitious
before Al Fine.. Still overall it's good! kewl...


Blue - Dan

p.s. ALRIGHT!!! I got to deflower yet another one!
don't ya just love it when you're the first to r&r a song??
#3July 26th, 2007 · 04:50 AM
371 threads / 187 songs
3,393 posts
United Kingdom
Nice song, I get the feeling it would sound better at a faster tempo, or you could work on the phrasing of the vox melody??

The odd harmony in the chorus, or melody beteen th vox gaps.

#4July 26th, 2007 · 07:45 AM
160 threads / 88 songs
1,666 posts
United States of America
I like this....

     Very interesting, I love the phrasing, it is much more the way I would do it myself..  THe only thing is, I think the vox could be just a bit more of a Harsh whispery yell, if you know what I mean... If not, I could maybe give you an example, if you could send me a sample of the music, without vox..  Anyway, as for this now, it's pretty cool.. And Blue is wrong about the lyrics...  This just isn't his style...  I on the other hand, listen to most every style all day every day.. everything from Linkin Park to Liza Minelli (well, ok, maybe not Liza) But from Judas Priest to Johnny Cash..

 Anyway, this is sweet dude... PM me if you wanna know more about the vocal style I am eluding to.. 

#5July 26th, 2007 · 02:37 PM
54 threads / 29 songs
1,552 posts
United Kingdom
Harsh whispery vocals would work for sure in places... not all the way through though. 

I also think the lyrics are absolutely fine, actually pretty good, but the vocal delivery doesn't make them very interesting.

I like the song - but it gets a little "samey" with little change to the vocals or instrumental backing.  I'd be tempted to vary the strumming style, add some tonal variation in the guitar effects, and liven up the vocals somewhat!

Just my thoughts!

#6July 26th, 2007 · 03:15 PM
188 threads / 27 songs
2,831 posts
great guitar effects
brilliant composition
more of this
#7July 26th, 2007 · 05:46 PM
341 threads / 59 songs
4,361 posts
Cymru (Wales)
Lol, that AaaAaa! in the chorus made me think someone was shouting out side my window!
Yes a tendency to be repetitive, damn good piece of music though.
 If I say I do like the clarity of your vocal, then I have to say the lyrical / story line of the song was not so well performed. Like you just do single lines to one tune, hold it for a few seconds at the end (aga-a-a-ai-in), wait and then do it again, I miss the jelly in-between to make it one big pudding of a song !   
But very well created just the same.
Hope the band venture is bringing some success.
#8July 26th, 2007 · 11:54 PM
151 threads / 150 songs
265 posts
United States of America
Yeah, pretty much only had the first line in my head coming up with the song.

Yes, extremely repetitive, I was going for a more simple sound this time but apparently it was too simple.
#9July 27th, 2007 · 11:35 AM
128 threads / 44 songs
2,814 posts
Puerto Rico
Sounds like a really well made song. Love the drum sound!!!!
I was wondering were you had been hiding!!!!!LOL
I'm not sure about that 2nd voice(Ya aahh)! on the chorus maybe work it differently on the mix.Dunno still a great tune!!!
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