I added this to the Aug-07 battle.  Please vote good or bad!  This is the latest song I wrote.  It's the first song I wrote about what I was feeling instead of trying to fit a formula.

Wellcome to the Amp
This your first song???

As I Hear it
Very clear recording................good.............
real piano (fer a change ? )
nice song ..............with a a beautiful in tune voice
Dynamics are a bit the same throughout ................ its a bit lacking in light and shade (louds and softs)
But Still GREAT

More Please!!!!

Thanx Rob

The fish

Love this ,recording is awesome piano is well recorded and vocals and guitar are very well performed and played.Excellent song!!
Hi votes!!!!

Thanks for the kind words!  I forgot to add the lyrics...

Alone in a crowded room.
©2004 Robert T McMann

Sitting alone at the end of the bar you stand up to check out the view.
And everyone looks so happy to be here, everyone looks so cool.
Waiting for someone to let you in on the big secret.
But unbeknownst to you, the others are waiting too.

Everyone’s version of happiness is, everyone’s own right to choose.
The minute you think that it’s somebody else’s you lose.
And the person who stands in your way is you.

Searching for something to show you the way to escape this tomb.
Why am I so alone, alone in a crowded room?
Drifting along I have dreams of my own just like anyone.
Waiting for plans to come together, waiting for love to bloom.

Everyone’s version of happiness is, everyone’s own right to choose.
The minute you think that it’s somebody else’s you lose.
And the person who stands in your way is you.

It all depends on your point of view when trouble is all that you face.
But why is mine so askew? Am I just a hopeless case?
Maybe someday when your head is together you’ll find someone.
After you find yourself, the pieces will fall in place.

Everyone’s version of happiness is, everyone’s own right to choose.
The minute you think that it’s somebody else’s you lose.
And the person who stands in your way is you.

I liek this type of raw recording, it got real feel if there's such  a word.

Like this tune a lot

Voted.

Denis

Fantastic song!

I really loved it. I would love someone to write some music for my lyrics and give me a few tips.....How about it?

I posted my lyrics in the lyrics review forum....tell me what you think.

keep up the good work

rock

Hi bro and welcome to the amp..
You have been Rated!!!! ;-)
 and now I'm reviewing.. I find
this to be very kewl!!! after reading
your influences you found fit to
list in your bio, I understand the
way that your level of talent so
easily appears like a big neon sign
on the side of the Autobahn!!
 Bro you are drippin with it!!
 think I'll break a personal pack
and visit the battle zone for this..
 Jackson Browne did a very
awesome  Acoustic set for a
three day all acoustic music festival
called "The Bread and Roses Festival"
in calif. in the seventies..  if you're as
big of a fan as my brother is a fan of
The Who  you might have heard of it..
the Bread and Roses Foundation was
 formed and one of their missions was
to broadcast a couple of times a year,
as well as get albums and singles of
these festivals to shut ins and a general
populas of people who just was unable
to get out and around...  the year J. Browne
preformed there was a special appearance
by a lady named Melvina Reynolds who
wrote the song Pete Seger made popular
in the folk heyday titled Little Boxes..
Pete Seger, Brothers of the Lough
hey even Hoyt Axton all did  sets spread
out over three days from early in the day
often till midnight....  I really was awesome..
I got to see all these people live without
the safety nets of full modern bands and
orchestra's..  I still have one of the albums
from that year which I put on cd years ago.....
 melvina reynolds died the very next year..
and since Hoyt Axton and a host of those
early trubadors has passed over the years,
I feel like it was one of those milestones of
my life to have been a kid witnessing that..
about the only thing that may have been
even better would to have been one of the
children born at woodstock or something
like that ya know... 
 well again good show.. keep it coming!!!!
more more more..

  oh and sorry for the lengthy and wordy post,
I sit and get started, and before I realize it I have
a good rival to the gettysburg address going.. lol... 

Blessings,

Dan - BluEyes

I absolutely love the sentiment expressed in the lyrics.  Great stuff.  As some have said, the delivery is lacking a bit of light and shade, which the song seems to demand.  Otherwise, no criticisms.

Really well recorded!  I love the sound of relativley simple guitar and piano riffs played alongside one another - inspires me to properly learn to play the piano now!  My only criticism would be to 'brighten' up the vocals a bit...and by that I dont mean they are bad.  I would just say that they are too...mellow maybe (???) in comparison to the music.  Im sure some of the talented vocalists here on bandamp could better suggest what needs changing, as vocals are definatley not my area of experetise.
Overall I really like it tthough!

Thank you all for the suggestions!  I appreciate the feedback.  I will do another recording and try to incorporate some of the suggestions (adding some contrast and brightening up the vocals).  I think the rule is you get to make one update for the contest.  I'll try to get something done over the next couple of weeks.  Again, thanks for your time!

Take care all,
Rob