Just a little thing I started singing about this girl I've got a crush on, lol

This is not finished or anything, again, because I am trying to incorperate the advice you guys gave me on the track "An Idea", where I was particulary working on improving my vocals.

So any futhur advice based on this is appreciated and let me know what you think.

Thanks bandampers!

wow

cool song. quality is not good. you should rerecord this in a pro studio. I believe this would be a hit.
but you need a good orchestration and arrangement.

One thing I forget to mention about improving your vocals is, to sing scales. When I'm warming up I play the scales on my guitar and sing along with it, you could also incorporate the chord in which the scale your playing with. It may seem boring at first, but if you practice say just 5 Min's a day, you will definitely improve not only your vocals but you instrument playing plus it helps your melodies.

Denis

as per triton.........

go and get her ...........

i still dig lofi recordings...
reminds me of some old lou barlow projects...

Hai Ke Yi

Record this in a good studio, it's worth the investment, and a little bit mor, harmony in the voices, nice geisture though, Rasarani & Krishna

Thanks for the comments and advice, guys.

Denis - I've done some of what you said about singing along with scales, I should do more, thanks.

Swordfish - thanks, I will go get her, haha.

About the quality and idea of recording this professionally, I don't have money for a studio recording.  I can get a much cleaner sound than this recording on my own with what I've got if I put the time/energy into it, so I'll do that for now.

I'll finish writing this song and post the full version sometime soon.

Thanks again!

Sounds like you have potential.Work on your recording and you'll see how fast you'll improve in developing your music.

I really like your vocals in this.  I think with a little work in the arrangement and some work with the recording you could greatly improve just from where you recorded this.  or go to a studio .

That this is a good song and there's a studio recording needed has been said.
I'd like to say that I find the word 'captivating' a strange word in the song, it's ok, but odd (off odd), If you have 2 or 3 other verses that also come into the chorus with an 'odd' line every time then I'm ok with it, but as it is now, two verses/choruses, I REALLY like "Very nice you said that to me", you could use this as a chorus and keep the 'Your eyes are captivating' bit as a line in the story/verse to be worked with!

"Very nice you said that to me" -- Love it , "Miss Ka'tie!"
It's an excellent theme, it has such a soft playfulness about it! It has 'extra' poeticness!
If your looking for advice this is mine! 

Kings - thanks for taking the time to write all that!

About the word 'captivating', personally, this word really communicates to me.  I can't think of another word fitting better in this case, but I can see your view on it.  And thanks for the advice on the arrangement.

But remember, this was just an idea passing through my mind, so I recorded it right off just to remember it.  So this is by no means a finished song.  I haven't arranged it, written any more lyrics for it, thought it over much or recorded it higher quality yet.  I guess I should get to that after all the response on this!

I'm glad you like the theme   I appreciate your thoughts on it.

Luke

Yes maybe you should, you know every body wants to see a good idea succeed. And this is one of them.

I realize that all kinds of words mean all kinds of things to all kinds of people, I'm trying to go beyond that and really tell you that if you are still working on the lyric "Very nice you said that to me" is an exceptionally nice theme/base to start with, and unless you come up with something as intrinsically poetical as that for the other choruses, I'd stick to it and try to build around it.

You remind me of Bob Dylan..so to speak...your voice fits your music..which is what its mostly all about..its unique..its you..I think thats something you should hang onto...be yourself...it does seem to work..In my opinion
I would like to see your lyrics posted with your songs...although the ones to this song arent hard to follow...are you going to work more on this?..not that its not good as it is...but it could use more work...(More)Lyrics/harmonies/Bass/Keys?

Flyer