#1August 19th, 2006 · 10:14 AM
7 threads / 7 songs
35 posts
Sweden
Believe Me I Miss U
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This song is not in a battle


I wrote this song while I was thinking about my former girlfriend. We broke up for about 6 months ago, and here's my... Well, what should I say? My summary?

VERSE

You could have been my angel
my shining angel
You could've been my only one

I wanted to look up
to the sky
I wanted to see your beautiful eyes

And I wanted to fly
can you be my teacher
I wanted to enjoy the sky

But my hopes where nothing
you didn't learn me
you made me fall to the ground


CHORUS

But I think of what we had
I loved you more than myself
I tried to always be there
when no one could console you

But what did you give me
a broken heart and tears
yes I cried and I'm
still able to


VERSE

But I managed to fly
even without you
I manage to stand on my own

I do not need you
not anymore
I can do this on my own

You gave me nothing
I gave you my soul
but I didn't wish to end up this way

Now when you're gone
believe me I miss you
but it's probably better this way


CHORUS

Well I know I've said this
I thousand times or more
But I gave you
my soul my heart my life

And I know I wasn't perfect
the one you wanted me to be
No one is perfect but you
thought that I could be

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#2August 20th, 2006 · 08:52 AM
77 threads / 59 songs
923 posts
Netherlands
shouldn't the guitar be tuned? you got a good voice but singin could be improved, it gets a bit boring to me, though it aint bad

maybe this is more a song for complete instrumentation?

or maybe you need to grow a bit more to carry this on your own

lyrics are too explicite to me, no doubt possible what you mean

or am i just too picky today? just trying to help in an other way than saying it is 'great'!

i did listen a few times and read the lyrics, and i took the time for this critic, and this is my opinion honestly

because i think it is worth it, so thats my compliment to you
#3August 21st, 2006 · 11:13 AM
34 threads / 17 songs
581 posts
Canada
yes..it does sound like your guitar is out of tune....sounds like you have a decent voice - perhaps you need a bit more pitch training.

This would probably sound better if you had other instruments (drums, bass etc), which would ease the repetetive strain of this...or - go acoustic and make it an earthy simple song.

There are a couple mistakes with your lyrics...which I think are perhaps translation issues

But what did you give me

Well I know I've said this

hope this helps! 
#4August 22nd, 2006 · 08:03 AM
7 threads / 7 songs
35 posts
Sweden
Thanks
Thanks for the comments on the song, yes I can only agree with you Max, when you say that this song needs more instruments. And as soon I've learn how to put more sound and do a really nice recording, I will do so!        

and Spoon, my lyrics are just as you want them to be now thank you! I will probably re-record it so my vocals sounds right

// Adam
#5August 26th, 2006 · 08:18 PM
11 threads / 11 songs
73 posts
Canada
I like the descending melody of 'you could have been my only one' quite a bit.

The song is quite personal, and I can hear you mean it, which is quite nice too. I too look forward to a version that is a bit clearer with maybe some other instruments, but I think you've got all the bases to make some great songs.

Cheers 
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