'Phenylketonuria' by J.S. Iarocci, 2005
Recorded mostly on July 26th, 2006
Just me with a piano, bass, guitar, and drum machine

I haven't decided how much I mind my voice sounding about forty years older than I am - partially an intentional effect, partially the result of lengthy daily musical rehearsals leaving me with little to no voice at the end of the day.  Depending on this I may well re-record the vocal track straight away.

Lyrics, while I'm here:

The darkening of the gilded soul
The hornet's transformation
The torture is the natural
Arcane precipitation
I reach I fall I cough I kneel
I ask and no one listens
How well I am how sick I feel
The truth from nowhere glistens
Can't you see?
The pain that alters me
Precedes heredity
It can pierce right through
From me to Timbuktu

A sheet like glass or cellophane
Elastic as it lessens
Evacuate the portal vein
Endorse the framework essence
Dismantled now this voice my shield
My everything that mattered
Unseen unheard unfelt I yield
Another piece is shattered
Oh can't you see?
My greatest enemy
Is my transparency
You can see right through
From me to Timbuktu
Away with your phenylalanine
Relent for it's all the difference mine
Condemn diet soda aspartame
In the end I won't even know my name

A past apart I'm trapped within
A door without a handle
Repayment for my mortal sin
To strike and snuff the candle
Succeed to override my goals
Japan to my Manchuria
Consume me and become my soul's
Phenylketonuria
Can't you see?
My acts of gallantry
Stem from complacency
They're as plain as you
Or me or Timbuktu
Away with your phenylalanine
Relent for it's all the difference mine
Condemn diet soda aspartame
In the end we are given all the same

The piano seems to hide the vocals.  I particularly like the parts which lead up to the word Timbukto though.

 

I like the piano but it just sticks out a bit in the mix.  Having said that I'm by no means an expert!

IMHO, the intro was a tad too long and you should consider cutting it shorter at some point.
There was a kinda buzzing noise in the background the whole time. Whether it was intentional or not of course I do not know, but if it is it needs to be turned up some so that you can tell. It really does begin to set the mood as it is, but there's not enough.
All, of course, in my opinion

weird lyrics, I'm not sure what to think of those - I am not sure I understand the message?

but ;
I'm definately hearing David Sylvian in this one

That is always good. I like the different instrumentals, but it need much better (preferred: stereo) mixing.

that's all I have to say for now....

The mix was a bit muddy, but i liked the tune! nice job. Interesting voice, but vocals could use some work maybe? I don't know what do I know. Like the song!

Hrmm... alright, it was stereo, and I just realized I did something immensely stupid to un-stereo the whole thing.

That should fix the buzzing, Oldies, which is actually a secondary bass synthesizer that I can't turn up much higher without not working alongside the actual bass.

PX, it's a song about PKU.  Phenylketonuria, inability to digest phenylalanine.  Away with you, phenylalanine!

I don't know why everything I do turns out so muddy though... is it just quality of the recording equipment, or is there some trade secret I'm missing to make my songs sound a bit more polished?

I think muddiness can come from lack of control of low frequencies in the mix, especially if theres more than one low frequency producing instrument there and everything just seems to blob together - you could experiment with lightly EQing the individual instruments and changing the levels. I think the piano was a bit distorted too sometimes?

I wasn't sure what kind of song this was going to be in the beginning, but then when the piano came in, your familiar sound came through! I like your style of piano - it's a good song - well worth re-recording one day!

So the recording's not perfect..... a mark down for you!

The song, though, is superb! 
I love the construction
I love the vocal delivery (hmmm, a couple of minor wobbly bits in there, it's true )
I like the playing and the general feel of the whole thing!

Great song (save the little hiccups mentioned!)

i just heard the new one and came to listen to the original and the version 2 is defiantely much better, not perfect but not so fuzzy

i do love this song though good work