Hey Dark Tear...I can hear your pain in this song...I like the guitar, and this mix sounds pretty good, I think perhaps you need to work on your vox a bit, but the harmonized discordance does work for the chorus (which is my favourite part!) And welcome to the amp!
The progression reminds me a bit too much of "And if god smoked cannibus."
The vocals need more emotion and be less monotone. It also seems that you are not using the proper vocal technique.
The chorus is great though, love it.
Keep working.
The vocals need more emotion and be less monotone. It also seems that you are not using the proper vocal technique.
The chorus is great though, love it.
Keep working.
well........ |
chorus------ best part because it is not as manotoned as the rest of it, and im really glad that you didnt manotone all of the song like another artist did on band amp, their song was awsome (lyrics were wonderful and so was the music but the monotone skrewed it)
thankfully you did not make the same mistake, but still it could be a bit more i donno...... loose i guess, dont worry i have the same proublem with my voice (manotone when i sing) but im not sure if your doing it on perpose or not, if you are doing it on perpose dont do it so much k? your voice is wonderfull and i would love to hear it more out there and not affraid to scream and show emotion, i think it would bennafit you very much
this goes on my faverits list and i will vote for you ok? also dont take any thing i said personally, and if you like my ideas try it out ok? if you find you dont like it later then dont do it
the paper girl in pig tails
thankfully you did not make the same mistake, but still it could be a bit more i donno...... loose i guess, dont worry i have the same proublem with my voice (manotone when i sing) but im not sure if your doing it on perpose or not, if you are doing it on perpose dont do it so much k? your voice is wonderfull and i would love to hear it more out there and not affraid to scream and show emotion, i think it would bennafit you very much
this goes on my faverits list and i will vote for you ok? also dont take any thing i said personally, and if you like my ideas try it out ok? if you find you dont like it later then dont do it
the paper girl in pig tails
The song's good - it's got a decent construction and has real feeling in there. But it needs a little more.
I feel it could build up to an instrumental and vocal crescendo - then finish similarly to now. But in order to do that there needs to be other instruments adding to it. Drums and bass for sure, piano would work well, and possibly strings. As suggested, the vocals need a little work too.
It's got bucket fulls of potential in there, has this one!
I feel it could build up to an instrumental and vocal crescendo - then finish similarly to now. But in order to do that there needs to be other instruments adding to it. Drums and bass for sure, piano would work well, and possibly strings. As suggested, the vocals need a little work too.
It's got bucket fulls of potential in there, has this one!
I really like this. Although I think to a degree the simple 1 instrument setup suits the feeling of emptyness (I think) you are trying to convey...I think layering in 1 or 2 more could really benefit it. Possibly some very quiet bass...and something else...can't put my finger on it just yet. Develop this one though, it's a really nice progression.
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