just came out with this song while wondering where fate takes us
.. my first composed and recorded
constructive criticism is welcome

Lyrics

some are born with a silver spoon
some are born in rags
do you know what it takes
to reverse the sting of fate

the wheelbarrow of time
sharpens some, dulls some

some yield the sword of toil
rest cleave with the sapient foil
abject ones delve into suspension
and are left to gape at the stars

the wheelbarrow of time
sharpens some, dulls some

The dark arrow of destiny
takes a few to the seventh heaven
It's the same arrow that
takes the others to excruciation

the wheelbarrow of time
sharpens some, dulls some

do all these things matter
when fate makes its final strike
blessed ones wander in the elysian fields
the rest endure their life in hades

the wheelbarrow of time
sharpens some, dulls some

This is not a classic recording - but the song has a fair bit of potential I think.

It's a little too samey in its present form, and I don't think that your vocals do it any great service.

That said, I like the lyrics a lot.

Not bad

i dont like this at all.... don't like the vocals, this isnt really singing.

The guitar sounds bad - not just the recording, but the way you play it and what you are playing.

Ummm also your output level is too high, can't you hear the sound distorting all the time? should put a little bit more effort in the recording.

I don't think you took the vocals very seriously, like i said they are sung bad, you just blabbered out words, luckily you posted your lyrics because it's really hard to make out what you are saying.

I actually think the song could be made good, there is definitely hope but from hearing the way you played it, it seems you arent interested in spending anymore than 5minutes on it.

It's your first song thats cool, like i said there is hope but concentrate on playing your guitar first, maybe record the guitar first then record singing over the top because you can hear that your struggling with the guitar while your singing and so mistakes are arousing.

Sounds like you have recorded it live, guitar and vocal at the same time... Get youself some milti tracking equipment and build it from the ground up...

Every one has to have a first recording...

Stick with it...

Dave

Personally I really like this guitar sound. It's just...well I like it. The recording is pretty bad, though, but I'm not one to critisize. The vocals....well i'm sorry but those are bad too. Pretty bad, out of key, find a new singer or train your voice. I'm not trying to be mean, just crunstructive critisicm.
But like I said, I really like the guitar in this, except for the end.