This is the demo for a song.

The story of this song goes like this:


I wanted to record and acoustic ballad and, well, I composed a nice melody and the recorded it. The problem came when I tried to record vocal parts; I don't have a good voice and I was going really hard to record my vocal line. So, what I did? The bassist of my band met a guy who said he had a good voice. Well I talked with him by MSN ( don't know him personally) and gave him the lyrics I wrote, the guitar line I recorded, and I recorded, me singing, an idea of the vocals.
Well, he recorded it and here is the result.

There are thing we both don't like and must be checked and re-recorded. But also there are many things I really like! ( which are the most).

What I wanted is to ask you all the bandampers to tell me what you like, what you don't, what we must keep, what must be out, what technically is wrong, etc.
I'd love to read your opinions to improve this, what I think, is a good song.

Please leave comments, specially the experts here like PuppetXeno, who really know a lot about this.
I guess that's the idea of this GREAT site.

Musical melody: Iszil
Solo: Iszil
Lyrics: Iszil
Vocals general idea: Iszil
Vocals work and final melody: Yeyo
Voices: Yeyo.


Here goes lyrics:

Verse 1:
It was a burning bush for a savior
And a messiah had his star
It was and angel for a prophet
And I have an I-don’t-know-what
Verse 2:
It was a woman for Neruda
It was a female for Dalí
It was a mademoiselle for Lennon
And it’s the doom for me
 
Pre-chorus:
How can I survive
To the fate that’s ripping my life
How can I keep breathing
With those storms hitting me

Chorus:
Learn from the people that’s around
Just walk away
Don’t try to stick to a wound
That’s Yesterday, let go   

Verse 4:
But nothing more remains
Except my shadow in the rain
Of the tears coming from your smile
Only saying: “Just for a while”
Verse 5:
And that weight is stuck here
Between my faith and my dreams
Stopping me from reaching
The aroma of your pain

Pre-chorus:
How can I survive
To the fate that’s ripping my life
How can I keep breathing
With those storms hitting me

Chorus:
Learn from the people that’s around
Just walk away
Don’t try to stick to a wound
That’s Yesterday, let go   

Bridge:
(Subconscious):
Now advance to the abyss of your death.
And let your mind go black
So your soul will fly again
And your body will fall down, to forget

Chorus:
Learn from the people that’s around
Just walk away
Don’t try to stick to a wound
That’s Yesterday, let go   
Chorus:
Learn from the people that’s around
Just walk away
Don’t try to stick to a wound
That’s Yesterday, let go   


Hope you all like it, and please live a comment.

        > Iszil

PS: If you have a better name for this please say it.

hey Iszil....this is quite a departure for you. Philosophical content to the lyrics, sensitively-played guitar, vocal harmonies. I know this is a demo and not intended to be a final product, but I'm intrigued by what I hear...I think this song has solid possibilities. With some delicate use of vocal and guitar effects, some tweaking on the mix, I believe this song is a solid addition to your repertoire. I like the title "Abyss".  Also another potential title seems to emerge: "just walk away".....

You've melded EducatedGuess's style with your own, and it's still yours. The guitar is excellently emotional, but I think that a larger version should include a backup guitar with a lower, more backbone-like harmony. The backup vocals do this well in the parts where they are used, but if you used them too excessively it would ruin the effect.

Also, perfect placement of the little solo.
A++ lol 

Is that an advice of what I don't have to do in the future or telling me that now the backup vocals are excessive?


What you mean with this?

Well, thanks for comments, hope the final version is ready soon.

        > Iszil

Hey Iszil think you got the makings of a poet laurete with this sensitive piece.
Only thing which springs to mind and this is all to do with vocal style and personal preference is ....breathing.Would like to have heard the vocalist stretch a breath to cover run on between a few phrases with out gasping for air,but that is personal choice.
Most time we don't even notice when singers breath,but it can be used to great effect.
Looking forward to hearing the finished product.
Great work mate.

It was advice for the future.
And I meant that If you record a completed version it would be better, IMHO with the suggested parts.

I hesitate to say that I am less than satisfied with the vocals. I think you could have done better.

Dude... 

   This is pretty decent...  I think the song has alot of good parts...
  
   Honestly, this guy's singing isn't super great...  it's not bad though...

    All in all you are very talented....   keep em coming...
                    JimK             I have rated this sing..

The vocals need sorting out though. The guy has a very good voice but singing in English maybe isn't the best idea for him. He just sounds too foreign to be singing in our language. Accents sometimes don't stand out in songs but this one really does so that's the only thing I can think of that needs sorting. Good song though. Good luck with the finished product.

Nice - needs some developing, but not changing structurally I don't think.  The singing isn't a strong part, but you are a seriously good guitarist, so that makes up for a lot (perhaps you should have tried singing it yourself!).

I think I want a slow introduction of other sounds in this..... bass, strings, synth, and then bring in your electric guitar.  It may work with a return to acoustic only for the end. 

The thing is for me that, until I try these things for real, I don't really know if it's going to sound the way it does in my head!

As a working demo, this shows loads of potential.
Nice!

Agreed. Very nice song- definite potential. I'd certainly like to hear more depth to the sound, especially during the latter stages, even if only bass (or perhaps cello) and some light percussion. Sounds too thin during the strumming parts IMO.

The vocals sound ok to me without being exceptional.

This song is definitely worth working on. Look forward to hearing a final version.

I really liked this one, i think the vocals were good too agreed with the language though pronunciation on certain parts were not clear and wrong. but then again i really loved this one and i cant wait for the finish product too.

what happened with the final version? Does it exist anywhere?

Oh!
Not sure I'm gonna do a final version of this. I guess if I found a singer I'd work on it.
Anyone willing to sing?

              > Iszil