I've worked on this song for a day now my wrists are tired from the piano so I haven't even added the guitar yet.  I plan to make it more of a power ballad or something.  Like whole note big cords in the chorus. 

Please give me you thoughts.  Any constructive critique would be greatly appreciated. 

Thanks, Ike

Here's Lyrics please comment on those too thanks.  Oh and I know the thunder sucks so, unless you think its cool or know how I could do it without it being cheesy or lame sounding, don't worry about telling me that lol.


Wonder

THE tables a training ground
were all being trained
they decide what we do
were all pawns in the game
The wind carried the sound of far off thunder
do you ever wonder

you people don't think
you follow those who do
but if it matters at all
they think but not for you
The wind carried the sound of far off thunder
do you ever wonder

THE choir sings
the minstrels speack the truth
the colective that you listen to
didnt tell you that its cool
The wind carried the sound of far off thunder
do you ever wonder

the wind it howls around you
civilazations blown away
you might be known as a gentelmen
your animals today
The wind carried the sound of far off thunder
do you ever wonder

you believe that your the master
your future is secure
what if the things that you take for granted
weren't delivered to you door
The wind carried the sound of far off thunder
do you ever wonder

you desperatly need to add another part - and more - fluff it up a bit
everyonce in awhile i hear a note that should be there - get em out
other than that - great piano, great vocals, great point in your lyrics. keep up the work

The lyrics are great.

I love social protest songs! I made a great many myself!

And WOW that "thunder" more sounded like an 8-bit arcade shotgun sample or something.

But great piano - not sure I'm enjoying your vocal style though... Maybe it needs getting used to, but I think you're overdoing the pronunciation... It makes it sound a little over the top IMO. In fact it almost sounds like you're mocking with this song...

well keep working on it. looking forward to the full version!

You're piano part is great! and for only a days work.

I agree with PuppetXeno about the singing - its a bit Dylan, just singing it a bit clearer would make it heaps better, especially for this type of song.

If you're gonna include the thunder, make it a nice big lightening stirke or something . At the moment its kinda muffled...

Btw, how did you record your piano? I've been trying to find the best way to record mine for a while now, but yours is great quality.

hmmmmmmm ok

I don't know about the whole power ballad thing... I like the vibe it has right now... Definetly need to sing clearer.. I agree that the vocal is a bit dylan-esq... As for the thunder, I will see if I can find a decent thunder clap, and shoot it over to ya... I have some sound effects in my library... there is a need for a bit of fluffing as mage11 put it.... I would suggest acoustic guitar, just some mild rythym... nothing to major, let the piano be the focal point instrumentally, and redo the vocals a bit clearer, so they stand out more rigid.. and I think you'll have one fantastic song...
    just my opinion though..... 

It's a good start, but defnitely needs more to it.  I can hear strings or a choir.  I wonder if you did anything else with this song?  A couple of notes need fixed.  Good work though.

I do like the piano in this one - sounds great - kudo's on that really.

Song wise, it's listenable to me as it is - I would, like the others be curious to hear what happens to it with a little more time and the addition of some other instruments.

Keep on truckin - it'll be a good one!

Brian

I've been meaning too for a long time just sort of got tied up on other songs. I'll try to make that a priority in the next few months.

Thanks for listening,

Isaac Sloan