#1December 28th, 2005 · 04:00 PM
5 threads / 4 songs
14 posts
United States of America
Element
*

This song is not in a battle


a new song i wrote, if i had drums and a bass id add them in, just rate it for the song writing and guitar, not lack of anything else thanks, THOUGH SUGGESTIONS ARE EXTREMELY WELCOME
oh and i know that vocals are sorta buried in the mix

lyrics

so sit down next to me, whats on your mind
no need to hurry, we got the time
the world keeps spinning, you can slow down
just take a second, to look around
you wont get answers, so don't ask questions
just sit back relax and have a brew
and ill have one too

and we can both be in our element
reminisce over times we once spent
and the night is growing thin but its okay

cause everything i need is here
close friends a guitar and a thirty of beer
and the world aint perfect no, but life is good

nothing to be lost, everything to be gained
it was sunny on my block, though the news said it rained
sit down right beside me, all's alright
it was a good day today, but its bound to be a better night
theres nothing ahead, but sunday morning
so sit back relax and have a brew
and ill have one too

and maybe all we need is to just take our time on the earth
and maybe we should all slow down, and just think about
whats the point and who you're bringin down
when you make your way in life
and you can never tell whats right
till you realize,
that running in circles is no way to live your life

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#2December 28th, 2005 · 10:35 PM
25 threads / 23 songs
168 posts
United States of America
The guitar parts are pretty nice but the song is almost completely devoid of melody. This may be due to the fact that you sound like you're trying to write an emo song with a bluesy riff. You may want to consider brushing up on some blues vocalists and revising the way you sing the song.

Eh, what do I know. It's a fine start -- it just needs a lot of work still.
#3December 29th, 2005 · 12:58 PM
34 threads / 16 songs
538 posts
Mexico
Yeah, it seems that the vocals don't fit very well with the guitar parts (wich are great, by the way).  As clusterone said, you can work on a unified style to get a nice bluessy song.
#4December 29th, 2005 · 05:37 PM
121 threads / 56 songs
3,098 posts
Netherlands
I have to say, I really like those lyrics..

but if you want to transfer the feel, you need to pay more attention to your production quality. I read the lyrics first, and then listened to the song. I think musically, the song works, but then it all comes down to production...

I'd slow down to start with, add some instruments, and emphasize the warmth in the end mix, not the high frequencies, that make things sounds cold and distant. Just try to feel what you're doing, try to put the emotion to tape, make it feel alive.
#5December 31st, 2005 · 12:16 PM
55 threads / 30 songs
1,558 posts
United Kingdom
Ignoring the quality of the recording (which lacks the necessary production) I like this track.

The guitar playing's pretty good, and I like the vocal line and the way you sing it.  If the other instruments were there to give added life and emotion to the song, I think it would be excellent.
#6January 1st, 2006 · 04:26 PM
160 threads / 88 songs
1,666 posts
United States of America
I think if you bring up the volume of the vocals a bit, added in a synth drum loop, and maybe a simple bass riff, I think this would start to really take shape... give you more ideas on how you wnat the finished product to really sound... the way it is right now, I  hear alot of potential... great song project... I hope you can get this re-worked soon...
                  JimK
#7January 2nd, 2006 · 02:12 AM
4 posts
Australia
the guitar is good but i don't like the singing, it sounds to emo to me and i dont like emo, but thats just me. but to make the vocals better just make them a bit louder, and i think it could turn into an ok song with some drums and stuff
#8January 2nd, 2006 · 11:18 PM
13 threads / 1 songs
408 posts
United States of America
well...excellent guitar work. I've been extremely impressed with the guitar talent around here. The vox could definately use some more practice. I feel as if you haven't practiced the song enough to record it. IMO, it would flow better if you knew exactly what note you were going to hit next and what style you wanted to go after. And yes, blah, blah, blah more instruments would bring it all together, but like you said, you don't have that. But it's a pretty cool song, in a jamming sort of way. Look forward to hearing more.
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