This is a song i wrote for a concert at school - It sounds a lot better live, I don't have the time or equipment to record it particularly well at the moment. Still, I'd like to know what you guys think

I might not have gone for the same style, but to each his own I suppose. It's interesting, to say the least... maybe a little happier than it needs to be. You could easily make this more of a pretty/inspirational song just in how you sing it and if you slowed the tempo down a tiny bit.

All in all, good show.

great piano. drums would really add to this peice, and the vocals do need work.

Haha, so freakin' ben folds! Think 'Zak and Sara'. Yeah the Vocals need work but I think that's more confidence in your case more than anything. Nice. I like it.

Ben Folds is my greatest influence ever he rules !!!!!   Originally I was going to add drums to it - but for the concert I couldn't find a drummer so I had to go solo and I thought I'd leave it that way. It would end up having to be crappy keyboard drums anyway, so it probably sounds better without. I know the vocals aren't the best; for some reason however powerfully and well I think I am singing at the time whenever I play it back it sounds a bit crap  . Oh well!

i dig it heaps, dont be afraid to give ur vocals a bit more balls

look forward to some more tunes from u!

A little bit of reverb and compression will help out. Otherwise, that is some excellent piano work! I love the composition and flow. Well done.

A very good song, and I hate to be so crude, but like Demonikus said, the vocals "need more balls."

A less offensive way to say that is to call it "confidence." Sing along with some Pink Floyd--particularly tracks "Time," and "Us and Them" from Dark Side of the Moon. But never sing any quiter than you would if you were performing. Every time you sing let it all out! Learning a song singing softly is like learning "Stairway to Heaven" on a lute, and expecting to be able to play it on the guitar.

David Gilmour (of Pink Floyd) has confidence in what he is singing, probably because Roger Water's lyrics are so good; he sings to convey a message and/or emotion, so he sings very powerfully, without any shame.

Trust me, you've got a good voice, now you just have to stop being shy.

I agree 100%. now  it's a little to dry. It would have been so much better if you'd spent more time on it, but, well... It's a very good song. Moreover, it's thanks to you guys that I've learnt about ben folds - and you're right - he rules.

Good luck to you and thanks for this song - it's a bit different than the rest, which is very good.

J

you got it kid. seriously - re record this one and 'give it more balls' and screw the drums, you got a knack for this sound. I would love to hear some more from ya

Thanks for all the good comments and constructive criticisms - they are all extremely helpful. I know i really should spend more on the recording; but I dont see the point at the moment as there is a very limited quality i can get from using a keyboard. When I get a preamp I should be able to record directly from my piano, which will be a whole lot better. The lack of preamp may also contribute to the apparent 'lack of balls'    in the vocals. When I was recording it I was sure I was singing with confidence and volume, however when I play it back i know that it does sound kind of dry. I think some amplification might help that way.

About drums adding to this piece - Ideally I would like to add drums and a bass. Except I don't have either, and none of my mates play drums in the right style. So until my parents let me get a drum kit , its solo piano.

Thanks again for all the encouraging comments - it really is helping me to grow as a musician and write far better songs than I could otherwise 

Definitely a good song..  I agree with alot of what has been said, nothing much I could add, except that I think you have alot of potential and look foward to many more from you....
     Jim K

Nice playing, good, deep lyrics, but your vocals don't do it justice.
No offense.  Your lyrics require you to feel the words and not just read the words.  Have you been hungry?  Have you been lonely?  Have you been hurt?  Next time you record, put yourself in that "state".  Feel for the lonely.  Feel for the hurt.   Sympathize.  Then sing it.

The idea is good, but it needs to be brushed up, especially the vocal melody. Could be really good though.

Not much to add. Someone said before it needs to be sung with "more balls" I'd say "guts".
I'm not sure about the piano solo and the arpeggios Y like the tune best.
Overall a very nice song