#1November 24th, 2005 · 07:29 AM
21 threads / 21 songs
72 posts
Germany
New Identity
*

This song is not in a battle


It's a political songs so it's hard to call it sad, but it doesn't sound funny.. i think you're now used to my kind of music hehe. 
It's about things we can see in Iraq. Young man blew themselves up. The Question is why they do this...
This is no offense to the Americans or to someone else it's just  my idea. I think people just misunderstand each other. So stand up for tolerance *thumbs up*

Some young man suffers from poverty
in his little sisters stomach sticks a bullet
a present from the army
and in his wallet
a picture of his parents

They say they have been seen
some days ago not far way from what
he used to call his home
and as he left the ruins of his home back
the only thing he owned was a little book inside his pocket

in his hands
the words seem
to make sense
he won't sleep
till he gets
revenge
through his bloody hands

and in the sand a tear for what he used to be
memories of hopes and dreams vanish in the heat
under his jacket
his New Identity

they say he made his way from poverty to sanity
because he blew himself up this day
and as they borrow the peaces of the corpses
the only thing they do is blaming little books

in his hands...

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#2November 24th, 2005 · 05:35 PM
121 threads / 56 songs
3,098 posts
Netherlands
Well... I like your style... You're capable of creating interesting constructions, that's obvious.

Your voice sounds a lot better with this heavy chorus on it. I do think you should try to sing more from your diaphragm though. Just train. I personally train everyday (and I'm NOT a great vocalist!) I always practice scales and sustain, highs and lows, pronounciation (very important!), I hum tunes 24 hrs... and I do that everyday. EVERYDAY. When I wake up and when I go to sleep. Perhaps even in my sleep...

I mean... You've got timbre, you know how to say your words in a very sincere way, now all you need is to actually sing them with the right kind of temperament, emotion, passion... Be angry, be dominant... Be timid, be wise...  Just don't hold back. Let yourself go. EXPRESS. It's already in there anyway, for anyone to hear, so there's nothing to be ashamed of. The music is there, it speaks for itself. Your tunes work, even now... but beside you getting some drums on your works, your vocals are the only thing I can justifiably comment on...

cheers

*edit: the lyrics are GREAT!*
#3November 24th, 2005 · 08:27 PM
28 threads / 19 songs
175 posts
United States of America
timber! that's the word! (i made a similar comment about his voice on another song... did i say timber? anyway, you've got it. now train it  )
#4November 25th, 2005 · 01:29 PM
13 threads / 1 songs
408 posts
United States of America
Right, ditto. Great guitar work and structure to the song. Keep it up and work on singing from your gut.
#5December 6th, 2005 · 05:43 PM
48 threads / 41 songs
144 posts
New Zealand
Beautiful affecting lyrics.
#6December 11th, 2005 · 10:44 AM
29 threads / 21 songs
75 posts
United Kingdom
dead nice feel, think the guitar would sound better at the begining if it was a bit more bluesy, dont like your voice its a bit droney but you got a nice riff
#7December 13th, 2005 · 07:04 AM
2 threads / 2 songs
22 posts
Australia
got a few cool guitar riffs in there

kool song
#8December 18th, 2005 · 11:07 PM
28 threads / 19 songs
175 posts
United States of America
just a comment on the lyrics-- George Bush recently "guess-timated" the civilian death toll in Iraq at 30,000!!!
#9December 19th, 2005 · 01:37 AM
96 posts
United States of America
Powerfull
Wow, that is a strong song. I like the melody alot - the chorus on the first stanza is a beutifull poloyphony with your voice - you should try to make the last part of the chorus beat that nice poloyphony. I love the structure intirely - definit nice placement. Wish we could lay a drum track over it.

Keep up the good work    B-
#10December 20th, 2005 · 07:34 PM
42 threads / 1 songs
556 posts
United States of America
This is great work.

But, I have to say, I hate your vocals.  I think it would be much better with a female singer.
Other than that, it's really good. Even if they are sung badly, the lyrics are really meaninful.
#11May 16th, 2006 · 05:53 PM
66 threads / 55 songs
697 posts
United States of America
just heard someone comment on the lyrics... so I had to check this out...

though, I'd also have to say, I didn't really like the vocals... it sounded like they were out of tune in a few spots, and lacked emotion...

but then again, in other spots, they sounded like they really fit the song...

and I like the music. very nice. and the lyrics. good.
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