Carsten and I came up with this tune - some of u have heard a part of it before, but please please please tell us what you think.

Personally, I really like this one. Carsten was practising playing the piano and came up with those chords, and I added the melody and the words. of course, it isn't finished yet, it's just an outline.

I do hope you will share yr opinions and suggestions.

Jim & TritonKeyboarder

WOW, that's absolutely beautiful. Beatiful playing Triton and beautiful singing JBP.
I'd love to hear a longer version with a little instrumental of Triton playing and maybe your girlfriend, JBP, giving a little backup (a light backup). This is really fabulous what you've come up with, can wait for the V2.

I actually thought that noone was going to respond to this post. Thank you CC, I am very very glad that you liked it. I asked TritonK to do the whole song, with some instrumentals as you suggested, but we'll see if he decides to go for it.

I think that some strings would suit the tune perfectly, don't you?

to all, Please do not hesitate to give yr opinions- they are the most valuable help we can get.

ummm, I don't know. I always have a hard time deciding when a really good song needs more or if it stands alone. More can clog it up but sometimes it just comes out great. Sorry I can't help more.

umm well the problem with commenting to this one is... I just didn't know what to say! Other than that it's great for two artists who only so recently met eachother on the net (here at the Church of BandAmp ) manage to pull a stunt like this. Only other cross hatch I know of was lAbsolutel with PorcelainDoll - a tune called "Ignore Me" which btw is greatly to my liking although the production quality is far from yours -  other than that I know of no collaborations*, except for myself and... well, wait till it's finished I guess

so, well, wow, yea... I didn't comment to this before (actually I did to the previous version) because... YOU'RE the artists... and there's so many things you can do with this... but you're well on your way to making this a fabulous tune... I mean it already IS... 

but for what it's worth, what my inner ear adds when I listen to this, is subtle downtown traffic samples in the back. Not all the time, maybe just in the beginning... makes for a filmic atmosphere, ...


and other than that: Keep up the good work?

cheers, JBP and TritonK


*there are undoubtedly more collaborations out there, I just haven't found them yet or simply forgot they're already in my itunes lib. who can tell?  

tritonK asked me to say thank you on behalf of the both of us to CC and Puppet - neither of realised we could have been called 'artists'. cheers.

just to clarify: JBP and Tritonkeyboarder do deserve to be called artists... the vocals, and even the lyrics, written in what is not your native tounge ( i assume, given the Polish flag)

this is great... i think this may be your best (i know i've said this before), given the great clarity of the piano and voice... 100% Proffesional!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The funny thing is that Carsten was only improvising, and I came up with the melody in three minutes. there must be sth in this, right?  Thanks leVee

some synth would add more depth, definately... but, if the finished version is only 1:27, then it could go as is. A longer song would need synth though. (I do think this is the best one, even after listening to all the others again... the melody and vocals are so great... and free! that may be do to Triton's improvisation on the keyboard)

oh yeah, I wanted to let you know. Carsten's delay and accentuation of notes after you sing them is good in some areas, but IMO it would be more beneficial for the accent and improv if he played more of an attack (the same notes you sang) in a couple of areas.
Anyway, my point is improv is good but IMO shouldn't be the standard bc then it wouldn't be special, does that make sense.
I hate to put that way, esp cause this is a rough draft, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
I'm so exicited about hearing the final cut, when can I look forward to that?

CC, I do know what you mean - i feel the same way, and to tell the truth it was quite difficult to sing the song in the first place (which is nobody's fault, btw) , partly because i had to depend on an intuitive feeling when to sing the right notes unsupported by the piano which would play the chords just right after i've started singing the notes.

i can think of two examples for that, but you have to remember that neither carsten nor I planned this composition, so he was not playing the piano for me to sing to, i quess. And this is, as u mentioned, a simple draft

Did u mean the highlighted words?

" cause i can offer only"
" the road i'm going down"

and the difficulty with this song is that we live so far from each other. if we lived closer, it would probably take one evening to complete and record this tune (which I'd most definitely love to do). So, I'm not promising anything at the moment.

Carsten, I am very much hoping we can finish the song together!

Just as soon as oit's done - we'll post it for u to enjoy.

PS> I'm wondering why Carsten has not responded to the post yet (TK, please do). His point of view would give us (well, me too) some more insight into the whole issue.

Jim

Oh I clicked on "POST!" and after reloading the page nothing happened. All is lost. Have to type again

So you want me to post? My english is too bad to describe exactly what I think about the tune. I am very astonished that this little thing starts this disussion.

First of all I have to thank Jim for this really beautiful melody. It was not planned. All was born in one second. My improvising and JBPs vocals as well. Believe me that I was very shocked and deeply impressed what he has done with this piece of music (in a positive way). And it would be much easier to do some recordings together when there were no distance between us like about 1000km and 12 hours driving by car.

I am torn how to complete this tune. Many opinions and comments left on this thread. Some want synth some want strings some want leave as it. I dont know what to do. In the moment I enjoy very much the discussion about it. Sure, there is a final tune in my ears. But I am afraid when its finished it would sound more badly than this here. I think it's a timeless tune and can also be completed over 20 years :-) and my time is limited to the weekends to make some record work.

Let's see what happened next.

Again thanks to all who left their comments.

Carsten

First of all Triton, your English is wonderful. I like to hear people speak English when it isn't their native tongue because they have new and fresh ways of describing life.

Anyway, what you both have done is excellent, sure it's a rough draft and I hope you both are able to work out all the wrinkles, even with the distance, don't let it become the excuse, because what you have is great.

Beatiful vocals and a really nice clear melody. Great song, nothing much more to say.