song for a gurl.. whom i love, desperately..

something isn't right for me..
preplexedly..
you have gone away from me..
eternally..

just one thing..
I need you, by my side..
   here with me, through my eyes..
I gave up, all my tears..
   I love you, desperately..

OK so you're probably get a fair amount of negatives for this one - your levels are all over the place, the vocals get lost in the mix, we have fret buzz, etc etc. However I'm on my 3rd listen now and there is something extra about this song which sets it apart. So IMHO that's worth working with.....

Things I like: the white noise perc. effects - give it a haunting quality, the synth parts in the chorus - maybe make more of the synth part in the rest of the song ?

Things I didn't like: the white noise perc. effects - can border on the annoying, drop down a bit in the mix ?, the Pink Floyd bit in the outtro.

Interesting 1st posting. Look forward to more. 

too bad about the shaky timing, also the "snare" is too dark and overdone to my taste, but the overall "soundscape" you're setting is really massive, you make great use of effects, much to my liking, so 

I'm looking forward to more of your work

whats up with the darth vadar effects, its just annoying.
this song is dark... i think you already know that though, i can't judge this fairly as its a style i will never like, so i wont judge it

Ouch, dude - there's other girls in the world... But that feeling of being hopelessly lost for that one is captured here. And that's what's successful about this, despite the problems noted above (mix, overboard effects...). It's a good structure and a good foundation to work with. Let's hear some more, hey?

I want to hear what you're singing dude, I like tha haunting effect, but I really would like the vocals to come out on this one. Ibet it will sound really good.

Yeah, agree with the others, you need to work on the mix. I can hear that the actual recording is fairly decent, just need to get that mix sorted out, vocals forward more and back off that creepy white noise percussion thing a little (which I think is quite effective here actually and I kinda dig the creepyness).

great song

nICE...got another song?