#1August 19th, 2014 · 11:23 PM
130 threads / 34 songs
1,413 posts
United States of America
Far-Flung
*

This song is not in a battle


It's funny to think the last time I uploaded something was nearly 5 years ago.  I've lurked off and on during the last several years, but I thought I'd log in and share something with you guys.  I've noticed how things have slowed down a bit, so I figured I'd toss one onto the pile.  It's got rough spots, and boy howdy do I need a pop filter or something.  It's demo material, but who knows how much further it can be taken.  I'm just a dude in a small apartment room after work is done.  (Edit: HAHA it looks like I had a bad clip enabled for this mix, for the "anything sticks to the wall" line.  Cover your ears.)

I'm aware of some weak notes in the vocals, shaky transitions/tuning here and there, etc, but lay it on me and tell me what you like and what you don't.  This is the first finger-strummed recording I've made an honest effort on.  I just didn't like how clangy it sounded with the picks I have.

In the last three years I've been taking my science fiction writing more seriously, and the story I've been cooking for about 6 months now has really been inspiring me to do more music.

So this song is a piece that takes place in the far future.  The main character Anneh has basically been eaten by a longterm stasis machine in her attempt to stop some atrocities.  Left behind, her sister Rist takes on the task of protecting her location until finally Anneh will return back to the world.  She uses stasis herself to endure the immense wait.  It's not until 3000 years later that Anneh emerges.

Rist has changed significantly in the intervening time, but the soft spot for her sister remains.  Rist is acquainted with the "Majesty Navy Commandress", a major leader of military forces in the Clockwork star system.  Trying to put Anneh back into a position to accomplish her goals, Rist arranges for Anneh and the Commandress to connect.  Anneh did not realize just how long she was going to be out of timeline when she chose to go to stasis, and is emotionally torn down by the series of blows she's received in her life, beginning with the loss of her family, and later her closest friends.  She's lost everything.  After yet more disasters in this future, she flees to her family's now-ancient habitat on the system's edge to reset and put some old demons to rest.

So here it is.  There's a lot to the story, but that's at least the premise.  The verses are told from the perspective of Rist talking to the Commandress.  The choruses and mini-bridge are from the perspective of Anneh.  Rist eventually refers to Anneh as the "Historiess".


[verse1]
Commandress, what would you have me do?
She's far-flung,
and I follow you around like it's the last thing that we have got left
We're so full of ideas, but anything sticks to the wall when we're going this fast

[verse2]
Commandress, this is the perfect time to admit
the kind of shady clockwork we're running
She's far-flung and I am making contact, and will probably end up in the trash
The plot's so thick by now
The mood's so heavy
Now the clock says "time to go and die"

[chorus]
Time to go clear our hearts and minds
Emptied out and gone, I feel so strong
Let's breathe some oxygen before I'm gone again
Time to see someone else go happily even if it's not going to be me
I smile and say "it's wonderful", but it's harrowing

[verse3]
Historiess who have you become?
I sat tight for you
As I look you up and down, you're not the same
We're not the same, are we?
She looks all out of ideas, but Commandress, what would you have me do?

[chorus]

[bridge]
I sat alone, crying in sight
I've never been more than alright since that night 3000 years ago
"Go," they say (I sat right there)
"Hide," they say (and watched her die)
Since I'm here, now I know

[verse4]
Commandress this is the kind of thing we'd regret
The stars are watching, waiting for our blunder
Stay your hand for just a moment while I sing to you
The plot's so thick by now
The mood's so heavy
Historiess we're here, step down to me

[chorus]

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#2August 20th, 2014 · 09:29 AM
102 threads / 59 songs
204 posts
Canada
Cool! It's a really different, progressive composition and there's a clearly a lot of work in there. I got lost in it a little. I think with a little more instrumentation, effects, something on the chorus you could make it a little more divided but it has a cool feel to it as it is. I love the lyrics, it's great to hear songs about different things and a sci-fi theme is very welcome. Overall I think you have a great piece here. I'd consider changing things a little more throughout to make it feel more like a journey and maybe more sci-fi-y. Great work!
#3August 20th, 2014 · 01:37 PM
130 threads / 34 songs
1,413 posts
United States of America
Thanks!  Several of my songs tend to have that "getting lost" characteristic, like you have to already know the lyrics to feel satisfied with how it's being presented.  Still kind of wrestling with how to feel good about simplifying stuff to fix that.

I had an idea for some background sound effects reminiscent of some soft, casual coms chatter for the quiet bit before the last chorus.  Hopefully something with some laughter in it, but I've not found the right source material yet.

I'll keep thinking on it, thanks again!
#4August 22nd, 2014 · 12:44 PM
116 threads / 53 songs
3,063 posts
Netherlands
Hey, this is pretty interesting. What you said, a little rough in spots, but the atmosphere is really enjoyable, Certainly keeps me listening, and pondering a many things of life and the arts. Because it sounds very artsy, abstract almost, be it could use a bit more variation, something extra, Sound effects might do the trick indeed, but the concept you tried to deliver, well it landed.

cheers!
#5September 14th, 2014 · 02:36 PM
371 threads / 187 songs
3,365 posts
United Kingdom
I like your approach to songwriting - it has a quirkiness to it that makes it all you.
Yes you could try simplifying in some parts to make it varied - I think you would be better off experimenting with the dynamics more than simplifying.  I like it when you harmonise in some places.

Sounds a bit thin, I assume you have limited resources?
#6October 14th, 2014 · 02:50 PM
130 threads / 34 songs
1,413 posts
United States of America
Howdy Denis, thanks for the comments.

I want to thicken up the sound as best I'm able in my next attempt, which I've been working up to trying.  This guitar work was from the first attempted recording, before there were lyrics or anything, so it's spliced together at parts that repeated, not mic'd the same way all the way through, etc. 

I think I can make better use of compression and get more precise with the actual recording performance.  The finger-strumming is something I need to adjust for, adjust mic'ing for better response, equalize better—all are improvements that could help the baseline performance if I can pull it together here in the next bit.

My latest experimentation with support tracks (some synth bass to play with + a few other subtle things) ends up sounding juuuuust a little too muddy when I put it over this base track.  I've got some chord changes to help remove some dissonance with other instruments.

Thanks for your thoughts, despite my late acknowledgement!
#7October 15th, 2014 · 06:56 PM
157 threads / 13 songs
2,299 posts
United Kingdom
re: Far-Flung
TonightsLastSong wrote…
It's funny to think the last time I uploaded something was nearly 5 years ago.  I've lurked off and on during the last several years, but I thought I'd log in and share something with you guys.  I've noticed how things have slowed down a bit, so I figured I'd toss one onto the pile.  It's got rough spots, and boy howdy do I need a pop filter or something.  It's demo material, but who knows how much further it can be taken.  I'm just a dude in a small apartment room after work is done.  (Edit: HAHA it looks like I had a bad clip enabled for this mix, for the "anything sticks to the wall" line.  Cover your ears.)

I'm aware of some weak notes in the vocals, shaky transitions/tuning here and there, etc, but lay it on me and tell me what you like and what you don't.  This is the first finger-strummed recording I've made an honest effort on.  I just didn't like how clangy it sounded with the picks I have.

In the last three years I've been taking my science fiction writing more seriously, and the story I've been cooking for about 6 months now has really been inspiring me to do more music.

So this song is a piece that takes place in the far future.  The main character Anneh has basically been eaten by a longterm stasis machine in her attempt to stop some atrocities.  Left behind, her sister Rist takes on the task of protecting her location until finally Anneh will return back to the world.  She uses stasis herself to endure the immense wait.  It's not until 3000 years later that Anneh emerges.

Rist has changed significantly in the intervening time, but the soft spot for her sister remains.  Rist is acquainted with the "Majesty Navy Commandress", a major leader of military forces in the Clockwork star system.  Trying to put Anneh back into a position to accomplish her goals, Rist arranges for Anneh and the Commandress to connect.  Anneh did not realize just how long she was going to be out of timeline when she chose to go to stasis, and is emotionally torn down by the series of blows she's received in her life, beginning with the loss of her family, and later her closest friends.  She's lost everything.  After yet more disasters in this future, she flees to her family's now-ancient habitat on the system's edge to reset and put some old demons to rest.

So here it is.  There's a lot to the story, but that's at least the premise.  The verses are told from the perspective of Rist talking to the Commandress.  The choruses and mini-bridge are from the perspective of Anneh.  Rist eventually refers to Anneh as the "Historiess".


[verse1]
Commandress, what would you have me do?
She's far-flung,
and I follow you around like it's the last thing that we have got left
We're so full of ideas, but anything sticks to the wall when we're going this fast

[verse2]
Commandress, this is the perfect time to admit
the kind of shady clockwork we're running
She's far-flung and I am making contact, and will probably end up in the trash
The plot's so thick by now
The mood's so heavy
Now the clock says "time to go and die"

[chorus]
Time to go clear our hearts and minds
Emptied out and gone, I feel so strong
Let's breathe some oxygen before I'm gone again
Time to see someone else go happily even if it's not going to be me
I smile and say "it's wonderful", but it's harrowing

[verse3]
Historiess who have you become?
I sat tight for you
As I look you up and down, you're not the same
We're not the same, are we?
She looks all out of ideas, but Commandress, what would you have me do?

[chorus]

[bridge]
I sat alone, crying in sight
I've never been more than alright since that night 3000 years ago
"Go," they say (I sat right there)
"Hide," they say (and watched her die)
Since I'm here, now I know

[verse4]
Commandress this is the kind of thing we'd regret
The stars are watching, waiting for our blunder
Stay your hand for just a moment while I sing to you
The plot's so thick by now
The mood's so heavy
Historiess we're here, step down to me

[chorus]

so nice to have you back!!!!

review to follow

swordfish
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