#1March 26th, 2008 · 12:20 AM
130 threads / 34 songs
1,413 posts
United States of America
You Fool, asFinalAsItGets
*

This song is not in a battle


I've got a sense of humour, right?  Well, just so you know, the mp3 i've uploaded is actually an outtake, and not the real song.  (it's close, but it's not quite the real thing.)  You'll know the screw up when you hear it.  The lead vocal cuts out after the messup.

Here's the real version, if you're interested:  http://tonightslastsong.000webhost.info/mp3s/02youfool.mp3  (personally, i like the outtake one better.)  (or, try out The Chipmunk Chronicles version found here:  http://tonightslastsong.000webhost.info/mp3s/TCC/01youfool.mp3 )

I've been having the hardest time recording the vocals for this new version of the track, most probably because i'm downright sick of the song.  I'm so tired of it.  I've listened to it hundreds of times, revising it and picking it to pieces.  My fingers are blistered.  My chest hurts.  I think I'm getting sick.  Boo hoo, I know.  But really.  This is the 3rd full go against the vocal brick wall (for this particular recording of music).  The vocals weren't excited enough for the last long chorus, and it sounded like I was retarded, so kept redoing them.  They're better now, but i'm still not happy with it as a whole.  I think I got a little too pop'y and bouncy with some of the parts... an overcorrection for my droning sound that I've fixed.  So sue me.

K, so the melody has changed a little.  The reason for the outtake is because i accidentally used the wrong note, one from the old melody, and then realized it half a line later.  Then it got dramatic. 

I'm aware of probably 98% of all the faults any of you are going to point out, but that's okay.  I'm done with this!  But of course, feel free to say anything about the mix that comes to mind.

A scpecial thanks to Avi, for simply pasting a link to a page on musiciansfriend.com, which made me finally just get myself in gear and buy a cheap mic to improve the quality of my recordings.  Thanks man

And You've Gone and Told Love's Secret (You Fool) eff c version - the outake

verse 1
I want you to come around
I would never ask you anything to hurt you
Open up, love
You've got my heart, there
You've got everything
everything meaningful's wagered in your reckless game
Open up
It's love who's calling

knock at door, Boy responds with, "Who is it?"

chorus
(Mmmm) The stage is a dance in Citadel
And you, you gotta make it hard or sit it out
Everyone is clinging to you,
and I hate it
and you hate it
I would never tell you anything to hurt you

knock at door again, boy shouts, "I'm busy right now!"

bridge
Boy says,
"One, two, three, four,
One, two, three, four,
*sigh*
She's over there again...
Maybe next time...
I guess I'll just sit this one out, too
I dunno... Just sing to myself."


Da da da da da da dla da da
Da da da da da da mm dla da da

Oh, I'm missing you
I want you here
oh, no, maybe...
Oh, I'm doubt us again

verse 2
If I held you 'til stars fell down
from their places in the sky
Would you tell all?
All about everything?
I've got this feeling
I'm dependent, overly.
And if I touch down now,
I'm not pulling back up.
I'm sure of this
Is love killing time?

chorus
(Mmmm) The stage is a dance in Citadel
And you, you gotta make it hard or sit it out
Everyone is clinging to you,
and I hate it
and you hate you       deep breath
I would never tell you anything to hurt you

Boy clears throat... exhales...
and walks away.


Verses 1 & 2 revisited
I want you to come around
I would never ask you anything to hurt you
Open up, Love
You've got my heart, there
You've got everything.
Everything meaningful (is wagered in your reckless game.)
If I held you until the stars fell down,
from their places in the sky,
at this point, the song comes to a screeching halt, with the words of realization:  "...wait a minute. WAIT!!"
would you tell all,
all about everything?
I've got this little feeling: I'm dependent, overly.
Your love, does it love me?
Your love, does it love me?

Does this song not follow the Rules? Please Report Abuse
#2March 26th, 2008 · 01:19 AM
74 threads / 3 songs
529 posts
Cook Islands
To be quite honest,I've fallen in love with this song..from start to finish
Because my laptop is weird and wouldn't direct me to your site..in the meantime...
Well since this was an out take I'm not going to be picky...hmmm...
Love the chorus..I love the melody change..Well I love the song.

In the outtake when you go "Da da da da da da dla da da
Da da da da da da mm dla da da" I much prefer the not outtake one.
It might be just be my headphones,but at some parts the guitar got loud and kind 'blared'(?)

Anywho..love it :] Both versions
Rating for sure
#3March 26th, 2008 · 08:49 AM
130 threads / 34 songs
1,413 posts
United States of America
MeowMachine wrote…
Because my laptop is weird and wouldn't direct me to your site..

yeah, i posted on bandamp, and then soon after uploaded the song to my webspace, thus... you probably clicked the link before i had it 100% uploaded

MeowMachine wrote…
In the outtake when you go "Da da da da da da dla da da
Da da da da da da mm dla da da" I much prefer the not outtake one.
It might be just be my headphones,but at some parts the guitar got loud and kind 'blared'(?)

hahaha... i agree with you about the da da da thing.. that probably falls under the "i got carried away with trying to make it more bouncy" category.  as for the guitar blaring, I'm not sure that i hear the same thing... at least not in my own copy of the mp3... can you give me a timestamp of when it happens?    mmm, there's one potential spot that i can pick out, which is right after the 'dada ba ba da whatever' spot, just as the crowd part comes in.  is that what you're thinking of?
#4March 26th, 2008 · 02:38 PM
74 threads / 3 songs
529 posts
Cook Islands
Well some parts I could catch were :34,1:06,2:55 . But it could also be the possibility that my headphones aren't the best in the world. I think that's about it :]
#5March 26th, 2008 · 06:00 PM
5 threads / 5 songs
590 posts
United Kingdom
hey,

 dude this is like acoustic prog. Its soo complex and just jumps from section to section...  Now, dont get me wrong, i love prog, but for the first initial listen, its kinda hard to follow...
 I think that you've got amazing talent, all the lyrics and musical concepts are really clever, but for me, its like you're trying to make the song as complicated as possible. I know you have the song precisely the way you want it, so the only thing i could suggest (and would like to hear myself) would be the song finishing after a chorus, so its easier for the listener to remember it.

I hope my opinions aren't too harsh because i actually really like the song.

Ian
#6March 26th, 2008 · 06:17 PM
15 threads / 6 songs
507 posts
Japan
So
Blisters are good ,you totally deserve them , I really got into the flow of this song and love the little human fx interludes.No not the singing lol
I think the vocal recording is good , the angles and curves of the song engaging and harmonies very effective.
I haven't heard the other but I like this a lot.
regards
yokoinc
#7March 26th, 2008 · 06:39 PM
157 threads / 13 songs
2,299 posts
United Kingdom
re: You Fool, asFinalAsItGets
is it my soundcard ............ yes it is.........

fixed my problem


sounds great .............. sure i listened to this a thousand times before...luv it

fish

hey i vote too this time .......... but

just had thought that we dont vote cos we arent asked to directly/ immediately......... as u a genius programmer its a line of thought???
i know ive heard this before .......loved it and not voted cos i didnt have to ......... lazy me

the fish

mandatory voting ............ across the board????

listen (as member) VOTE REQUIRED? ............. I DUNNO ?

FISH
#8March 26th, 2008 · 07:54 PM
130 threads / 34 songs
1,413 posts
United States of America
haha.. sounds kind of like communism :P  CommyAMP, here to make you vote, or else JimK steals away your children

SirBorris wrote…
for the first initial listen, its kinda hard to follow...     ...   for me, its like you're trying to make the song as complicated as possible. I know you have the song precisely the way you want it, so the only thing i could suggest (and would like to hear myself) would be the song finishing after a chorus, so its easier for the listener to remember it.

Hey, not harsh at all--- (I've had worse, back in the day of my upload called "Acute Paranoia", if any of you are unfortunate enough to remember that song!)--- I appreciate the feedback.  I know what you mean, with really complicated.  I honestly think that the change in "da da da da" to "ba ba da whatever" that i made from the last version into this one, I think that the change really has an impact on the way the song flows.  I'll probably mix the original da das back into the song thanks!

oops, got to go-- i'll reply to the other comments in a moment!  thanks for the feedback!!
Tim
#9March 26th, 2008 · 08:34 PM
127 threads / 43 songs
2,808 posts
Puerto Rico
Your recording quality is quite clear!!!!!!
I'm thinking i like this version a lot more than the previous I heard!!Love the 1 45 or so..part!!that was fkn awesome!!!!!Im curios to what your influences are..Your song construction,guitar playing and singing are very differnt unique..3 40 done it again,love that arrangement...


Lol the wait a minute WAIT line!!!Thats was unsuspected and funny!!!!
Great work my friend!
#10March 27th, 2008 · 07:28 AM
77 threads / 59 songs
919 posts
Netherlands
u got humor, and u are very creative, and a bit crazy (in the good way, i think)
u sing real good, makes me remember Elvis Costello a bit (???)

really enjoyed the ooohohoh, mmm mm mm parts

a difficult song, but so well done and recorded, its a pleasure to listen it more often
so it goes straight into my playlist
high vote for recording quality, song writing originality, and perfect execution
#11March 27th, 2008 · 11:18 AM
130 threads / 34 songs
1,413 posts
United States of America
haha... thanks everybody.  yeh, I know that this can be hard to follow at times. it think i follow it really well since i was the mind behind it.  and i don't think i like it when i end my songs on choruses as much as with other blocks (outro, a verse, a bridge, etc) in the song, because i'm so sick and tired of the form of most popular songs.  there are guidelines about what makes a song catchy and "good", but those guidelines tend to be taken as the "rule", the only "real" way to write songs.  call me a martyr or something, but I think I'm out to just be difficult, by writing some songs that have nothing to do with standard form

to extend my comment about my sense of humour...

 I've been listening to my songs turned up to 158% tempo (with corresponding pitch modulation) and it's pretty hilarious.  I'll post links to all my songs like that, but here's the You Fool one, as part of my private "The Chipmunk Chronicles" collection:

http://tonightslastsong.000webhost.info/mp3s/TCC/01youfool.mp3

hahahaha... after listening to this, i see just how much faster my tempo COULD be!
#12March 27th, 2008 · 03:58 PM
371 threads / 187 songs
3,365 posts
United Kingdom
The Mic was a good investment!! The vox sound a lot better.

I can totally relate to re-recording a song that you have heard many times before.  It can take-away the raw feel
for when you created the song.  You have done a great job with this cut, the blisters and sore chest will heal.

The song has bags of orginality and has an incredible arrangement, you don't do things by halves.

The only thing I would say it could do with a hook, The woh's and Hmms could form the hook together with
some sung words interacting with it. But I guess you want to work on the next song, I would do the same.

Well doneTLS, keep 'em coming!!

Denis
#13March 27th, 2008 · 08:49 PM
130 threads / 34 songs
1,413 posts
United States of America
one of the biggest things with the new mic is to learn out to sing at it properly.  there are tons more breath and pop noises into this one that I'm used to.  they stand out a lot with a subwoofer.

it's a learning process     haha...  thanks denis for the comment!
Tim
#14March 28th, 2008 · 03:32 AM
77 threads / 45 songs
2,296 posts
United States of America
You have a good folk voice/style. You would have been popular in the 60's, when folk music was in its prime time.
I like the do-do-do ba da ba ( something lke that..) l do lke your vocals on this...you really were into .. Nice song Tim. Very creative here and some good idea's. Nice recording. This has a live feel to it....

Flyer


Rates/Vote
#15March 28th, 2008 · 08:57 AM
130 threads / 34 songs
1,413 posts
United States of America
Influences
Thanks, Flyer!  Yes, I'd be interested how I'd fair (fare?  faire? "faire" is what it comes from, a french word, but i dunno how we spell it in english) in the 60s

I've got be brief, as I have class in just a moment, but I forgot that I haven't replied to Marino's comment about influences.  If I had to sum it up, my music in general comes from several very modern sources, including some pop/punk/rock bands like Something Corporate, Taking Back Sunday, Fall Out Boy, the (very) early New Found Glory (not the modern stuff at all... we're talking like the cd "New Found Glory" or the earlier "Nothing Gold Can Stay", etc), Brand New, etc..... but then there are many other genres that I think I draw from a little... like... music from the group Eisley.  I haven't really displayed that latter influence much yet, though it's definitely there as I improv to myself.  Another musical interest that I'd like to emulate a little bit somehow is in the music made by Kelly Sweet, in a CD called "We Are One".... i'm sure there are others
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