#1December 15th, 2007 · 03:08 PM
130 threads / 34 songs
1,413 posts
United States of America
Lock Down, Move On [full length demo]
*

This song is not in a battle


sorry for not following suit and uploading christmas themed things   I'd really like to, and I have a few lyric sets that I'll use one day for exactly that purpose, but this year.. I'm just too busy, and I can't seem to FINISH finish any of my projects anyway.  so, i decided to take a step in the direction of completing my tracks.

that being said... this is not "complete"   i wanted to give you an idea of what the rest of this song would be like, though.  this is a full LENGTH demo, though it's not a DONE song.  catch my drift??   I'm not going to ask you to not comment on what's here though.. don't get me wrong.  tell me what you think, specifically of the bridge and onwards, as that's the new material in this upload

you'll notice right away, if you're familiar with my old C version, that this is the exact same track, just with the new audio spliced into it.  consequently, you can really really tell where i put in the new guitar parts.. it's equalized differently.  better, actually, though i tried to make it match the old version's sound to avoid the contrast as much as possible.  i sang differently for the new vocals, too.

at any rate, i'll certainly be making a new recording of this when things calm down around here, but until then, you'll just have to suffer through this version, made while holding 2 chat conversations over GTalk

Lock Down, Move On (full length demo)

Tonight, I'll be your One
You're right--this could be fun
Pack up your things,
we're going out
The sun sets in an hour
In memory of all the ones who tried,
but didn't make it
We are headed forwards
or we'll die trying

Lock down-- we're moving on
I haven't been trying so much, but it's hard to forget you
No, I haven't been trying so much, it's hard to forget you
We'll move, alone
We could drive away,
and I could see the sun light up your hair
We could ride away
We could see the cities,
all lit up like they're something more special than you

Round two, what do you say to a flight, a winter getaway?
Pack up your things,
we'll see the world
This town sleeps in an hour
In memory of all the things we've tried,
that didn't work out
We are headed forwards
or we'll die trying

Lock down-- we're moving on
Bet you wouldn't leave me if I told you about the dreams I have
No, I bet you wouldn't leave me if I told you--
if I told you about the dreams I have
We could drive away,
and I could see the sun light up your hair
We could ride away
We could see the cities,
all lit up like they're something more special than you

I've got some plans---
You know that
When I promise you we'll get away,
We'll get away
We're sending something new and thrilling across the eyes of lookers on

Lock down-- we're moving on
We're sending something new and thrilling across the eyes of lookers on
Eyes on me, and you, and I didn't even want to be seen...
Let's go
We could drive away
and I could see the sun light up your hair
We could ride away
We could see the cities,
all lit up like they're something more special than you
We could drive away
I can't even believe that you're here with me
We could ride away
Let's be gone
Let's be gone
We'll ride away

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#2December 15th, 2007 · 04:49 PM
31 threads / 19 songs
612 posts
Canada
hmmmm, Enjoying the guitar and your vocals..a little busy but I think if it wasn't it wouldn't peek my interest as much..As I'm listening I feel I've heard this before, I don't mean on the amp It just has a real familiar sound...esp. the tone of your voice and the way the guitar just powers through never letting up...This is a good thing and unfortunately a bad thing...The good, obviously the vocal and guitar work are great and very pleasant to the ear and as its familiar sounding there's an automatic acceptance and comfort with it....although this being said... my good points also means the piece doesn't stick out and there's no real surprises and will automatically be labelled and associated with (fill in the blank) and the piece will never get the credit I feel it deserves..I think this would be the case with non musicians anyway....As you stated it's not finished and I think what's there is great so far..maybe a breakdown of some sorts..something quiet and slower tempo with some other instrumentation and then BLAM back with that run away train acoustic strumming....to me its the heart pumping the blood throughout this track.
Good Work! Good luck finishing the track, can't wait to hear it!
#3December 16th, 2007 · 12:24 AM
14 threads / 14 songs
232 posts
United States of America
Where is he going to put this slowdown? The voice does do what you want it to do for the chorus. The guitar stays sick though.You want a mod tempo solo after a chorus somewhere? If he starts fucking with the arangement he is bound to lose this perfect cohesion he has from verse to verse. this song is pure sex. Third verse is much more calm and relaxed, too. which is good.


Um, everthing was perfect in my eyes (and ears). This song is perfect, pure sex.

Maybe consider looking at the here in "I can't even believe that you're here with me" and just give it a thought. It didn't sound bad, but it also didn't seem as locked to the song. It stuck out at me for a reason, but like i said - just give it a listen and see if it does anything for you.
#4December 16th, 2007 · 12:46 AM
130 threads / 34 songs
1,413 posts
United States of America
thank you so much for that review, Dark    Very encouraging!

i actually want to change the line, personally, to something that fits the train of thought better.  it was a rather scatter-brained in terms of coming up with that line.  ... I'll be thinking over it for a better way to make it fall in step with the rest of the song.  I immediately noticed the line as rather dead-beat compared to the others.  it just doesn't match the song very well yet.

If i had to pick a weak spot in the lyrics, that'd be it, hands down.  (maybe it's just a delivery issue?)

i'm rather fond of that bridge/verse-ish part on the chugging guitar part.. it took me a while before I thought of doing it that way, but it was by far the most fitting for the "driving" motif, I thought. 

as for it sounding familiar, BasketCase, I sort of hear ya on that one.  At the same time, I can't place what it might be that does it to the song.  I'm drawing a blank, so I'm left with no real option except to stand by my baby and say that it's all original :P    i am curious to hear your ideas though, if you come up with that similar sound that you're thinking of.

as for the guitar "powering through" without letting up.. i also felt this as I was writing it, and so I wanted to give it an Unwind at the end, hence the final walking-down-the-board on the final chords in the song... i wanted it to feel like you're driving, and then you get to that spot and you just turn that car off and breathe as the adrenaline levels fall and you find yourself in a comfortable spot, and sink back in total and complete serenity.

anyway.  thanks again for the reviews-- both of you.  many thanks, indeed.

TLS
#5December 20th, 2007 · 12:52 PM
2 threads / 2 songs
12 posts
Finland
You have a nice voice. A truly nice voice. But something of the voice track leaves me a little cold, I just can't guess out what. Something in the chorus that I cannot understand.. But as an integrity it is just all right.
#6December 20th, 2007 · 08:30 PM
127 threads / 43 songs
2,808 posts
Puerto Rico
Many cool parts merged together.Some parts are real good hooks others well there just there.I like the guitar performance and sound recordings.I get the feel of a progressive acoustic type of sound with all the chord changes and your execution is pretty solid.At 3 31 I noticed that one of your vocals went out of tune.I'm not sure if it happened in other similar parts before but it caught my attention in that time mark specifically.Anyway I know this is a general working layout so Good luck with the final!Ill keep and eye and ear out for it!
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