#1October 21st, 2007 · 09:54 PM
50 threads / 12 songs
305 posts
United States of America

This song is not in a battle


Does this song not follow the Rules? Please Report Abuse
#2October 22nd, 2007 · 12:11 AM
115 threads / 18 songs
1,414 posts
United States of America
Well, I'll tell you that I like the idea for this song, and at first I thought that the vocals needed to be sung OUT a lot more, rather than the closed in soft feel.. but by the end of the track, I feel alright about the softer feel.  I don't think the soft approach is doing your voice justice, but I won't say that this doesn't working.

The opening guitar is really good, I think.  the progression of the chords is nice and natural feeling, IMO.  I find that the second guitar, playing the lower overlayed part is sometimes distracting, but it's not because of it's notes... I think it's just the differing rhythms.  Maybe if the lower guitar was closer to the rhythm of the strumming part at those times when it strays, then the over sound would be better!  I like the lower guitar's switch-up during the last chorus.  It's nice.

Vocal pitch needs a little work.  I'm starting to like your softer sound now, on the 3rd listen.  Yeah.. some pitch work would be nice for that first verse particularly.  I like the length of the song.  You've got some real good ideas for the melody of the voice during the chorus and the alt sections.  It's a little spotty, like I was saying, but this could turn into something real real nice if the pitch was tighter and more polished.

After reading and hearing the lyrics a few times now, I feel like they're presenting a feeling to me rather than a story of any kind.  Honestly, the lyrics make me think of the song "White Days" by Julianna Theory.  Your style is very different from theirs (and this White Days song is very different from the rest of the tracks on that cd, by the way) but I get the same sort of "hey, i could listen to this as I drive" feeling.  It's a good thing!

In a way, this makes me think of the ancient Good Charlotte, you know.. before they came out with their The Young and The Hopeless cd.  they used to be a completely different band back in the day.  nobody who likes old GC seems to like the new GC, and vice versa.

anyway.. sorry.  I'm no vocal trainer or anything, but if you wanna tackle that whole singing out thing, your car is a nice place to do it when there are no passengers.  Last year when I was recording my first entry of my [Actually] song, i was so deathly afraid of singing out too much because I was recording in an office after working hours; I never knew who else was in the building!  Now, I'm home alone all day while the rest of my family is going to school or working!  Until I secure a job, I'm free to sing out and practice as loudly as I want whenever I want!  It's nice.  You should consider loosing an job and quitting school if you're interested!!  haha!  (good luck with that,  )

#3October 22nd, 2007 · 05:30 AM
371 threads / 187 songs
3,378 posts
United Kingdom
Nice music and lyrics, they go well together.

The chorus is a nice change, although the guitar melody clashes with the rhythm, it' only the timing of the phrase,
try to listen to the rhythm and sing along with the guitar melody line first before attempting the guitar, this works very well for me.

Your voice has an nice tone. There a a few missplaced notes. With a little practice, I'm sure you will improve on it, and project your voice better.

Nice job.

#4October 22nd, 2007 · 03:27 PM
50 threads / 12 songs
305 posts
United States of America
Yeah, there were some timing issues. I need to go buy a metronome and practice with it.
#5October 22nd, 2007 · 06:12 PM
29 threads / 14 songs
355 posts
You have a voice of paul Simon, man! It is unbelievable, the tone. It's a shame that you occasionally sing out of tune, but that's fine. I love it - it is a good song, but your voice has just blew me away. If you practise it.... you'll be famous all over the world.
#6October 22nd, 2007 · 09:23 PM
50 threads / 12 songs
305 posts
United States of America
Thanks. I haven't had proper vocal training yet. People tend to like my tone of voice even though I personally don't find it that great. Thanks for the compliment though, it really improved my confidence getting positive feedback from you guys.
#7November 1st, 2007 · 04:42 PM
50 threads / 12 songs
305 posts
United States of America
Should I add drums? And should I change the second guitar piece to a bass riff?
#8November 2nd, 2007 · 08:36 AM
54 threads / 29 songs
1,552 posts
United Kingdom
There are some awkward timing issues here, the 2nd guitar (bass line) and main acoustic guitar really are at odds with each other too often for it to feel right.  How do you record?  It's clean and clear, so I guess it's to a pc... if that's the case, then just use a click track to make sure the time stays the same throughout for all instruments.  You don't need a metronome.

Your vocal timbre is nice; good vocal quality, although it's a little weak.  Some vocal coaching would help, as it would with ensuring that don't waver in pitch quite so much.  What TLS suggests is good too - find some place (like your car if you have one) where you can really sing loudly without feeling embarrassed; then when you come to actually record, you won't be so worried about it.

But.... I really like the song itself.  This could be developed into something really nice indeed.  The lyrics are pretty good, and the simple guitar line is very effective.
Definitely work on it.  Sort out the timing, add the bass.  It'll be a good song.
#9December 19th, 2007 · 06:48 PM
50 threads / 12 songs
305 posts
United States of America
This song is now in da battle.

Vote ppl!
#10December 24th, 2007 · 10:06 AM
159 threads / 32 songs
1,956 posts
United States of America
most of the stuff that is wrong with the track has already been stated, timing, vocal pitch, ect.. 

The good things are. a the song lyrics are very very good....The sound of your voice (tonality, not pitch) is excellent!!!!  inmho i think vocal lessons should be a must for you not because I think that you sing bad but the opposite . I think you have a great voice and it could be greatly improved upon by ear/vocal training.. it would take the pitch problems away.

also the guitar tone is very nice,, some timing issues but nothing I couldn't live with here for this song.
gets very good vote from me.
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