"What's this?!" you say?  Why, this is TLS, returned from Canada, and his re-recording of the original "Acutally, 'Sorry' Wasn't the First Thing that Came to Mind"

I'm missing a few female voices that are suppose to be in the chanting choruses at the end, but it's decent enough to post here.  I'll probably give it one more recording, due to some things I'd like to clean up, but I won't bother naming these things; I'm not here to shoot down my own work.  Tell me what you think.

Here are the final lyrics.

Acutally, 'Sorry' Wasn't the First Thing that Came to Mind

This is short, sweet and simple,
like the line you drew between us.
I need to hurry to get it all in;
I can't afford to waste my breath.
You know,
places to go, people to see, oh, and I've got to do this thing...
Based on what you did,
for the last time we'd try, my Love,
but you keep on going just closing doors
You burn your bridges
"I've had enough, --forever Yours"
Don't know what I was thinking,
But now I'm tired of breaking.

Over and over we did this...
We live in second-hand hate
I wish to forgive,
but we weren't on the same team

This summer was a dance floor,
dark and hot-- it's just like you
It was all because of you
And like the last time I tried,
I don't buy it,
but back when I did, no kidding--
I just about died
Look, I just really don't need this,
but for as much as you do,
I'm rather confused
Don't what I was thinking,
Just so tired of thinking

Over and over we did this...
We live in second-hand hate
I wish to forgive,
but we weren't on the same team

This is short, sweet and simple,
like the line you drew between us.
Mkay, maybe not so sweet,
but I've been looking for a reason ever since you stabbed me,
to forget your face

But life's not just so easy
Everyone deserves to happy at least once (maybe twice),
so I'll hold my heart to my thoughts, and not against you
But it's second-hand you versus all that I've been taught from the Other world
It's just a phase, but I'll see what I can do
I'm just so tired of breaking

Simple and sweetly,
She let us down
But now we're losing--
We're losing our ground

Simple and sweetly,
She let us down
But now we're losing--
We're losing our ground,
And we're not on the same team

Simple and sweetly,  (Over and over,)
She let us down   ( we did this...  We live)
But now we're losing--   ( in second-hand hate)
We're losing our ground,   (I wish to forgive,)
And we're not on the same team   (But we weren't on the same team)

Very Dashboard Confessional.  Unfortunately it's not really my style, but what's here is pretty good performance/recording wise.  There are a few spots off-key with the lead vocals.  The harmonies are clever and positioned well.  The tone of the guitar needs some EQ to phatten it up in the right way.

2:10 onwards was awesome.  More people need to record a chorus of shouting people.

Awesome song, voices are great but the vocal placement on the voice add on got a bit distracting towards the beginning.Intro reminded me of The Who.Great song man!!I like the idea!
Cheers
M.

interesting song for a come back
It's very narrative if that makes any sense
If I might say the "plectrum strumming" is a bit to present in the mix  again if it makes any sense
I like the multi vocal chorus at the end but more panning would accentuate the effect maybe
Overall a good track in deed

i've got the software to do this sort of stuff, ("The tone of the guitar needs some EQ to phatten it up in the right way." -- avinashv, "more panning would accentuate the effect maybe" -- vincentL), so i think i'll tackle stuff like that when i make that final recording.

Thanks a ton for the feedback, you guys.  Thanks even more for not just posting one of those useless "this is nice" comments without leaving any real feedback

Later, gents,
TLS

nice song interesting consepts, the recording is pretty good.

It sounds as though your trying too hard, although I like the tone of the guitar and vox at the very start.
Perhaps if you sung and played softer??

Will Rate

Denis

Hey TLS don't know if you remember me, I remember you from the distant bandamp past!

Man you have REALLY come on a long way vocally and recording wise, I love the style. I always liked your voice before but there is more confidence and conviction now.

Positives:
Vocal performance and feeling
The overall melody
The shouting wide vocal part
The guitar playing


Negatives
The main guitar was too central and boxy - needs some eq work.
The structure for me was a little difficult to follow?
The lack of some decent drums to really drive this track. I could add them for you using battery if you wanted.
The master (very pumpy)


Overall great stuff dude!

Welcome back bro...long time no see...hehe...

Ur vocal really improving...u got more character than before...really, nice work! 

Loved the 'crowd' part at the end...really turn up the spirit of the song...nice work bro!

can't wait to hear another awesome work from u...

It's nice.

No.

lol .

It is nice though..

But anyway..

Voice is very commercial.

Vocals are out of key in places, but the overall performance is good.

Don't like the vocals at the end that much with the harmonies, they just don't seem to work that well. They even sound a bit out of key! Maybe that's the problem! But in other places the two vocals work well and really effectively.

Lyrics are good.

I vote well .

Guitar is recorded good.

hey hey, thanks for the posts my friends.

petermoncrieff, i don't want to suggest the idea that i'm taking offense at your comments, because that's not the case; but i would like to better understand what you mean by the following comment...
I'm seeking to understand what you're suggesting here.  I don't know how to improve my performance after reading that sentence

secondly... I agree about the final chorus.  I recorded the normal chorus as a seperate instance, and I noticed that it was a bit funky sounding, so i tried copying the other choruses onto it in order to see if it was just my singing that was off.  In the end, i've concluded that it wasn't the basic melody that is to blame, but rather that the crowd shout was a little flat.  It doesn't bother me too much though, because it would be less realistic if a singing crowd was perfectly on key.  if they were all on key, then it'd be a chior, not a crowd

and finally...

thanks, but proper english grammar dictates that this sentence should read "Guitar is recorded well."

sorry, just had to point that one out 

thanks again though!

Yes it's good to see you back! lol

I like how the 'crowd' came about!  It is a very cool effect and adds a completeness to the song, and that "All together now!" feeling ( maybe what Peterm meant with commercial!? )
I also feel that you are somehow 'trying to hard' as Denis mentioned, and not only in performance, it's like the whole production feels that way, like you put 'everything you've got and more' into it!
Your lyrics are excellent as usual.
I think if you 'chilled out' a little and not 'rush it' this would be even better.
Don't mean to sound like your shrink though! 

[edit] OK! maybe you don't have to 'chill out', it's all right at this speed but then it could be tighter, could also be that as you get to know the song better you'll 'whack' it out nice and tight in all the right places !!! lol

lol I meant it the vocals sound like a lot vocals I've heard. Which isn't at all a bad thing you know.. They tend to fit into the "emo" genre.

lol

Anyway it's not a bad thing..

sweet, i'm emo now 

no, you're right-- i see what you mean, so long as we're talking about a sort of modern 'emo.'  the term has sort of mutated over the last 20 years.  Now, people tend define emo with Fall Out Boy, Brand New, even Taking Back Sunday  

but at any rate, thank you 

Yeah I meant the modern kind.

Not that I'd know any other kind, being 17 myself.

.

Wow I've been on this site for at least 3 years, I remember my first song 19 15 keyboard 14 I wrote when I was 14!

haha.



Nice.